(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 2001, but I seriously started cultivating myself in 2003. The best moments of my life were when I participated in Dafa projects or gatherings with practitioners. However, I always compared practitioners’ xinxing to non-practitioners.
I sometimes wondered why an ordinary person who was so good did not practice Falun Dafa, or why a practitioner who has been cultivating for many years didn’t behave as well as this ordinary person.
I didn’t realize this way of thinking was wrong and in fact, it was a test to see how much importance and value I attached to Falun Dafa and to practitioners. I was unconsciously giving credit to ordinary people instead of Falun Dafa. On the other hand, I ignored the fact that practitioners’ enduring huge difficulties while clarifying the truth and cultivating themselves should be valued.
My way of thinking was taken advantage by the old forces—instead of working with practitioners, I was looking for a job with non-practitioners or spending my spare time with ordinary people. The old forces were using my attachments to keep me away from the cultivation environment. Practitioners are very noble, and those who decide to begin cultivating take up the difficult path of returning to his or her true self and face many hardships. So, how can a Fa-rectification disciple be compared to a non-practitioner?
Master said,
“When one’s Buddha-nature emerges, it will shake the World of Ten Directions.” Whoever sees it will come to give a hand and help this person out unconditionally.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
However, when someone asked me for someone reliable to rent a house to, or for business, I immediately suggested practitioners as the best option, and said they are the most reliable. Nevertheless, whenever I found some mistakes in a practitioner’s behavior, instead of looking at myself, I compared them with non-practitioners. This kind of thinking was related to the attachment of selfishness.
Looking Inward
When I realized that I had a cultivation issue, I looked inward and saw the following attachments: When I interacted with practitioners at work, projects, or at Fa study, I had more xinxing tests, and this was inevitable. Those tests were for me to grow in cultivation. I shouldn’t feel resentment and compare them with non-practitioners. Ordinary people seek comfort and fortune, which is very different from what cultivators want. I was looking for a peaceful and calm cultivation environment that was full of love and affection and had no difficulties.
I also realized that when I spent more time with practitioners and had xinxing tests with them, I developed resentment and anger towards some of them, who reminded me of my problems. This inner anger made me look for relationships with normal people who I had good relationships with—they complimented me, and praised my good character.
Their human kindness was so important to me that I preferred to have a friendly relationship with ordinary people than to cultivate with practitioners. I had an emotional dependence on the human world, and I avoided cultivating myself and getting rid of my human desires and emotions. I was looking for a comfortable, peaceful environment to cultivate in. This came from my attachment to seeking comfort.
I realized that I had high expectations of practitioners and fewer towards ordinary people. My attitude towards practitioners was harsh and did not have enough kindness towards some practitioners—instead I was kind to people who were kind to me. Some practitioners did great things that I could not do, and by comparing them with ordinary people, I wanted to show they were weaker than me, in order to make my cultivation status look better. Sometimes I thought that because practitioners were cultivating, they did not need my kindness—on the contrary, I should be stricter with them so that they could see where they needed to improve their xinxing and cultivate better.
After becoming aware of these attachments, I sent righteous thoughts and had the wish to truly change from within. I began to work on myself, remove my jealousy and become kind. I started to see practitioners’ virtues and their hard work to save sentient beings. Kind thoughts helped to improve our relationships, which became better and better.
When I looked within, my selfishness weakened, and I saw how sacred cultivation is. A light of love and compassion for other practitioners shone in my heart.
In my heart I thanked esteemed Master, and thanked and appreciated all practitioners. We are paving this path together with each other's help. We are members of the same family and we all belong to our respected Master, so our good relationships make this bond richer, stronger and more effective.
The above are some of my experiences. Please point out anything inconsistent with Dafa’s teachings.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
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Category: Improving Oneself
