(Minghui.org) Every time I ran into a conflict, I always asked myself, “Do you want to be a human or become a god?” Then I firmly answered, “I want to become a god!”
A Falun Dafa practitioner told me that she was addicted to her cell phone. She was distressed, and asked me what to do. I said that she knew how difficult our cultivation path was, and reminded her to think it over. I then asked whether she wanted to be a human or become a god. Being a human is nothing but suffering. Besides that, what else is there?
Tempered Over Two Decades: Eliminating Attachments Including Resentment
I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1998. After only a few days, all the illnesses that had tormented me for many years were gone. The wonderful feeling of being illness-free was hard to describe. I had people around me, including my husband, witness the miraculousness of Falun Dafa.
In the beginning of my cultivation, my husband told his friends, “Ask your wives to practice Dafa as well. Since my wife began practicing, her illnesses have disappeared, and she’s improved her temper. So my life is much easier.” My husband had also read Zhuan Falun three times.
The Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) persecution of Falun Dafa began on July 20, 1999. Initially, my husband didn’t care if I practiced at home. However, because I was arrested for my faith, and since the CCP’s policy of punishing the entire family affected his future, he changed his mind. He no longer allowed me to study the Fa or do the exercises. When he saw me doing them, he cursed and beat me. He often beat me until I was covered in bruises.
He behaved erratically and wouldn’t listen to me. I hated him, thinking, “You also learned Dafa before. Dafa is so wonderful. How could you side with the evil Party?” Since I disobeyed him, and our relationship soured even more, we were almost at the point of getting a divorce. Plus, he was having an affair. But when it came to going to court, he changed his mind, as what he really wanted was to have me give up on cultivation.
I studied the Fa in the office after work before heading home. Later, I thought I should be upright, but when I studied the Fa and did the exercises at home, and he saw it, he beat me and fought with me.
I told him clearly, “I have the right to practice Dafa. And I have the right to study the Fa and do the exercises at home.” But he didn’t acknowledge that. So I waited to study the Fa when he wasn’t around. Meanwhile, I shared with other practitioners, who helped me understand that this tribulation came down to my competitive mentality and fear.
If I thought about it from his perspective, he was also a victim. A lot of practitioners’ families don’t lead easy lives. When we were subjected to persecution, our families were put into a state of fear. Most of them knew that Dafa is good, they just didn’t want their family members to be subjected to persecution. What made them even more fearful was that it could ruin the family. This was what his friend shared with me after my husband passed away.
While my husband was alive, I began to change my behavior, and took great care of him. At first, he didn’t eat the food I cooked and went to make noodles for himself. I didn’t say anything and continued to cook for him. Gradually, I let go of several attachments, such as a competitive mentality and resentment. My heart wasn’t moved by how he treated me. He then began to change and became easier to get along with.
In the past, I was not in good health, so my husband had to take on more housework. After practicing Dafa, I took care of all of it. I’ve held myself to a practitioner’s standards in everything I do. I must follow what Master says and maintain my xinxing. I should not fight with people. I must follow Master’s teachings, and my husband will be moved by my kindness. I wanted to use my actions to validate the wonderfulness of Dafa.
Every time he beat me, I told myself deep down, “I must cultivate my xinxing, I don’t want to be a human, I want to be a god.” I want to follow Master and return to my true home! Having tempered myself with my husband for all these years, I have improved my xinxing greatly, especially in eliminating my resentment and the feeling of being unbalanced in my heart.
When I changed myself, my husband also changed. He quietly agreed that I could study the Fa and do the exercises at home. When he saw me studying the Fa or doing the exercises, he pretended not to see anything. When I talked to him about quitting the CCP and its affiliated organizations, he agreed. Sometimes, I said, “Thank you!” to him from the bottom of my heart.
When he asked me why I thanked him, I replied, “For helping me to improve.”
My husband has always been in good health, but he was diagnosed with a chronic incurable disease in 2019. Sometimes when he suffered a lot, I asked him to recite the phrases, “Falun Dafa is good!” and “Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good!” He didn’t say anything, but the next day he’d talk to me with a smile on his face. I knew he had recited the phrases, and it alleviated his pain.
One time, he said to me, “Everyone despises me. If you despise me for being a useless person, you can file for a divorce, and I won’t hate you.”
I replied, “Take it easy! I practice Falun Dafa, and follow my Master’s requirements to be a good person. How can I abandon you now that you are like this? What have I been cultivating for all these years? You are not a bad person. You just bore a lot of pressure and suffered a lot. Let the past be the past.”
He was infected with COVID-19 in late 2022. At first, he was asymptomatic and had no reaction. But later he felt that he couldn’t breathe and was admitted to a hospital. His lungs had turned white, and the condition was no longer treatable. He said to me, “I am in so much pain, please help me!”
I replied, “I can’t help you. Only our Master can. If you don’t want to suffer any more, you must sincerely repent to Master. Confess all the mistakes and sins you have committed against Dafa. Ask Master to forgive you. Then perhaps you’ll have a good ending.” He nodded.
He went into a coma for eight hours before waking up. He looked into my eyes and said, “Dafa is real, what you told me is all real.” He couldn’t speak properly, but what he tried to convey was that after he confessed to Master, Master had forgiven him. So he didn’t have to go down to hell. I told him that he could rest assured. Master is so kind. You can go with peace of mind. A little while later, he passed away with a smile.
He later told me in a dream that he was in a place waiting for the end of Fa-rectification, so that he would return with us to our true homes.
Getting Rid of Resentment
I now help looking after my daughter’s baby boy at her home. Before the baby was born, my daughter’s mother-in-law said that she would mainly look after him, and I would just need to cover for her from time to time. Because, when I was young, I was in poor health after giving birth, my husband was the one who mainly took care of our baby. Since I didn’t know how to take care of the baby, I gave her mother-in-law a heads-up that I could be a helper.
After the baby was born, however, her mother-in-law said that she was in poor health, and she didn’t come to look after him for a single day. I didn’t say anything, and went to babysit the child at my daughter’s house. I was in great pain during that period of time. I wasn’t prepared for it at all. I not only lacked experience in babysitting, but also couldn’t do the three things nearly as much as before. With resentment, I even started to hate my son-in-law.
Through Fa-study, I came to understand that I hadn’t eliminated my resentment completely. Master arranged this trial to have me remove the root of it. I said to myself, “Why am I attached to loss and gain so much?” Before this child was born, Master had already hinted that he came for the Fa. To bring him up from childhood and have him gain the Fa, how great that would be! How could I possibly resent my daughter’s mother-in-law? She must have a different predestined relationship with this child, so why did I resent her?
I truly felt grateful for Master’s every arrangement from the bottom of my heart, for his compassionately safeguarding me on my cultivation path. I appreciated the cultivation environment that he arranged for me. Before that, I was worried about how to balance babysitting and doing the three things that practitioners should do.
Now that we have moved, there are markets near her home, so I can go there to talk to people about Dafa at any time. Doing the three things well isn’t constrained by any conditions, as long as one has the heart to do it, and no matter what kind of environment one is in, one can bump into people with predestined relationships.
Fa-rectification is coming to an end. Cultivation is extremely serious, and any attachment that one can’t let go of can hinder a practitioner from reaching consummation. Master is watching us. We should not let Master down, nor let sentient beings down. We must do the three things well, cultivate ourselves well, and help Master to save more people.
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