(Minghui.org) Master Li said in Zhuan Falun,
“There was a person who was walking on the street with my book in his hand, yelling, “With Teacher Li’s protection, I’m not afraid of being hit by a car.” That was undermining Dafa. This type of person will not be protected. Actually, a true cultivator would not do such a thing.”(“Lecture Three,” Zhuan Falun)
I was shocked the first time I read these words, and thought, “Who would do that?” I thought I would never be like this person, so what Master said did not apply to me. However, with further Fa study and cultivation, I noticed that I indeed had such inappropriate notions.
One day, I saw an unusual hair growing on my body. I didn’t like the look of it, so I dug it out. A small piece of skin was also torn off. When I saw the damaged skin, I thought, “Why is it that I don’t care about picking out the hair and damaging my skin?”
Looking within, I realized that even though it appeared to be a small thing, it showed I had unrighteous thoughts similar to the man Master talked about. I thought that Falun Dafa practitioners’ bodies were extraordinary. They would not get sick or infected—that’s why I picked at my skin so casually.
I was shocked to realize that I actually had this wrong thought. Digging even deeper, I found that I had a wrong mindset, thinking that since I had Master and Dafa protecting me, nothing dangerous or bad would happen to me. As a result, I felt I could do anything I wanted without worrying about the consequences. Such a wrong attitude is no different than acting wantonly while thinking that Master and Dafa would protect me. I was actually using Master’s and Dafa’s protection as an excuse to indulge my selfishness and demon nature. This mindset goes directly against the characteristics of the universe.
I also recalled some incidents in the past when I dared to do things that could lead to injuries. I held the same mentality, thinking that nothing would happen to me. Master is protecting me, so even if something bad happened, it would not be serious. I also ate a lot of cold food or stayed up really late. I was not afraid of anything because I had Master’s protection.
Due to my wrong thinking and actions, I experienced some health issues. Still, I didn’t realize my problem and wondered why my health was affected. Shouldn’t I be free from all this? In my heart, I began to waver and had some doubts about the Fa.
Searching my inner self even deeper, I realized that I was holding onto the thought that Master would protect me under any circumstances. When things didn’t turn out the way I thought they should, I complained and wonder why Master didn’t protect me. I began to doubt the power of Dafa. If I continued thinking that way, I would be showing disrespect to Master and the Fa.
I remember when my body felt itchy, or I was bitten by a mosquito, or my ears itched, I would scratch as hard as I could. I behaved that way because even though I studied the Fa, I didn’t truly understand the Fa principles and didn’t know how to cultivate myself. As a result, I still held onto resentment and had very little forbearance. When I felt itchy, I scratched as hard as I could, as if doing that was getting rid of my resentment. My behavior was also a manifestation of my demon nature. My wrong understanding of Master’s protection made my venting my hatred even more amoral.
With such a wrong mindset, my health was damaged. Even though I was aware of Master’s hints, I still failed to rectify my wrong thoughts, thinking that I would regain my health regardless.
When things didn’t happen the way I hoped they would, and when I began having hearing problems, instead of elevating my understanding based on the Fa principles, I began to think like an everyday person. Even though I didn’t dare to hold any disrespectful thoughts toward Master and Dafa on the surface, I developed many bad thoughts. I’m happy that I now realize my hidden attachments before I slipped into an even more dangerous state.
After digging deeper, I realized that I have been treating Master’s compassion and the power of Dafa as a shield, under which I can do anything I want to do without having to worry about the consequences. When my selfish actions were not protected as I expected they would be, I started to feel unbalanced and began harboring resentment, as if Master and Dafa owed me something. I realized that behind my thinking was selfishness, and I was trying to use Master and Dafa to satisfy my selfish desires. This extremely wicked thinking showed that I deviated from the Fa.
Now that I have dug out this attachment, I see it in my other behavior. There are no small matters in cultivation, and behind these small things, are significant loopholes, which must be let go of through xinxing cultivation. I failed to do so for a long time. I was in the wrong, and I failed to live up to Master’s expectations. I’m determined to rectify myself and let go of those bad thoughts and attachments through cultivation.
Views expressed in this article represent the author's own opinions or understandings. All content published on this website are copyrighted by Minghui.org. Minghui will produce compilations of its online content regularly and on special occasions.