(Minghui.org) When I began practicing Falun Dafa, I stopped following what most people would be interested in reading, listening to, and watching. However, while browsing my smart phone about two or three years ago, I was drawn to some websites and glanced at the videos. They were interesting and I started watching them from time to time.
I did not want to spend time on these websites and only surfed them while I was in the bathroom. I mostly watched videos of celebrity anecdotes. Although I knew that it was not right, I comforted myself by thinking that I was just learning a little history. Later, the situation got worse, and I started visiting those websites more often. I watched more programs, spent more time on the phone, and no longer felt guilty about doing it.
One day last year, I suddenly had severe chest pain as I was leaving the bathroom. I knew it was because I was attached to my smart phone. Bearing the pain I walked to my bedroom and sat down on the mat. My heart was beating so violently that I heard it beating. I pressed my hand against my chest, trying to slow down my heartbeats. It didn’t work. It felt like my heart was jumping into my throat and could come out of my body at any time. I was scared.
I sent forth righteous thoughts, but it didn’t seem to help much. I knelt in front of Master’s portrait and confessed my mistakes. I begged Master for help. I held a thought, “I must completely deny the old forces’ persecution and I will correct my mistakes in my cultivation.” After about 20 minutes, the pain gradually eased, and my heartbeat slowed down. I breathed a sigh of relief.
I should have learned my lesson and stopped playing on my smart phone after going through such a tribulation. However, I did not.
In the past several years, I had been focusing on doing the three things that Master asks us to do. Whenever I had time, I went out with other practitioners to talk to people about Falun Dafa and the persecution. I did not have time nor interest in playing on my phone. However, these recent couple of years, my cultivation seemed to have reached a bottleneck. I couldn’t make any progress, especially in the aspect of clarifying the truth to people. In addition, local Chinese Communist Party (CCP) officials escalated their monitoring efforts and installed more and more surveillance cameras in our area. Several practitioners were tracked by the cameras and persecuted. I was afraid when I went out to talk to people and became depressed.
Facing these harsh conditions, I should have studied the Fa and strengthened my righteous thoughts. However, with a selfish mind, I didn’t do so. A thought gripped my mind, “I have talked to people about Falun Dafa and the persecution for more than 20 years, and what I have done was much more than some practitioners. The current situation is tough. I should be more cautious.” I spent more time at home and went out less. When I was bored, I played on my smart phone. I even started reading content on the Internet that I used to ignore before because it didn’t conform to the Fa.
One day last month, I watched a short link on my phone after lunch. Then I wanted to lie down for a rest. However, before my head could touch the pillow, my heart began to beat violently, and it really hurt. I sat up immediately. I was afraid that lying down might be dangerous. I knew that it was caused by playing on my phone again. I sent righteous thoughts and denied the old force’s persecution, but it didn’t work.
I put my hands in front of my chest, looked at Master’s portrait and felt ashamed of myself. I knew Master would help me and I begged Master for help.
Ordinary thoughts kept popping up in my mind and I kept denying them based on the Fa. I felt that I had done my best, but still did not feel any relief. I then tried to read Zhuan Falun. However, I couldn’t continue after reading only one paragraph, because my heartbeat was so violent and my chest hurt so much that I couldn’t calm down.
My hair and clothes were soaked in sweat. I then had stomachache. It felt like I needed to use the toilet. However, I worried that I might not be able to stand up to go to the bathroom. I also felt like throwing up. I didn’t know whether I should sit on the toilet or vomit first. I knelt on the mat in front of my bed and did not know what to do.
In despair I decided to stop worrying. I stood up and said to myself out loud, “It is not real. I must ignore it!” After I threw up a few times in the trash can in the kitchen, I found that my heart calmed down, the pain disappeared, I stopped sweating, and the urgency to go to the bathroom disappeared. Everything returned to normal, like nothing had happened. The whole ordeal lasted about 30 to 40 minutes. I had passed another tribulation.
The above are the lessons I learned from not taking cultivation seriously. I knew some practitioners whose lives were taken away by the old forces because of their attachment to the Internet, and some others suffered serious tribulations for the same reason. There are also often sharing articles on Minghui.org talking about the lessons practitioners learned in this aspect.
I am a veteran practitioner and have cultivated in Dafa for over 20 years. I have suffered tribulations because of my attachment. I knew it, but continued without trying to discard it. I invited these tribulations. I am very ashamed!
The old forces made detailed arrangements for everyone. If one fails to cultivate diligently following Master’s arrangements, they will definitely be following the old forces’ arrangements. From now on, I will keep a clear mind and cultivate diligently following the Fa principles, and will live up to Master’s compassionate salvation.
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Category: Improving Oneself
