(Minghui.org) My heart was heavy when I heard practitioner Zhou was arrested. Scenes of working together on truth-clarification projects for over a decade appeared in my mind. We have gone through dangerous situations and tribulations with Master’s protection. There is no need to go into detail about the various miracles we have experienced. Why is it that this practitioner went through such severe persecution in this final, crucial moment? I found the following attachments after painful reflection, remorse, and self-reproach.
Afraid of Being Hurt, Showing Off
I still remember clearly that it was a cold day when Zhou’s wife was arrested and held in a detention center. Zhou, myself, and another elderly female practitioner went to visit her. By the time we got home, it was already dark. We drove in circles and lost our way. It was clearly a warning. I sent righteous thoughts silently and asked Master for help.
I looked within when I got home. I had resentment. Why can’t practitioners do things openly and above-board? I also was afraid of the cold. We were given such a big “warning” that I should share with Zhou. Yet I still had not had a chance to share my understandings with this practitioner. I discovered that I’d had a negative thought. Here’s what happened.
A few of us went to a rural area to share with a practitioner on changing characters in Dafa books. I kept talking in the car. When we arrived, as I was expressing my opinions in front of several practitioners, including a practitioner who was a stranger, Zhou suddenly interrupted me, asking me to be quiet. I was stunned and did not say a word. I did not listen to what the practitioners shared afterward. I quietly found I had attachments, such as showing off, jealousy, and fear of losing face. These attachments were so strong that practitioners could not tolerate me anymore. I became reluctant to share understandings with other practitioners after this incident. I felt I was a terrible practitioner, and so I stopped talking nonstop. I only spoke when a practitioner asked me to.
With the help of some other practitioners, I realized that I liked to show off and tried hard to remove it. However, I formed a notion that Zhou is impatient. I was afraid of being hurt and did not point out his attachments when I saw them. I told other practitioners instead, hoping they would tell him. What a strong attachment to protecting myself from being hurt!
After Zhou was arrested and his house was ransacked, we lost many personal belongings, including tens of thousands of yuan in cash. At the end of last year, after the end of a project, I thought of Master’s teaching on keeping financial affairs open and aboveboard. I now realize Master was giving us hints. I had said to other practitioners in our study group that we needed to warn Zhou about this. They agreed. However, as we were caught up with delivering New Year calendars and celebrating the New Year, we did not see Zhou and so this matter kept dragging on. After he was illegally arrested, with tears and deep remorse, I felt I had let Master and practitioners down. Why was I not more proactive? Why did I not think more of other practitioners? Why couldn’t I let go of ego?
Seeking Fame and Relying on Others
After I retired, I had put my whole heart into validating the Fa, fulfilling my dream of telling people face-to-face that Falun Dafa is good. I tried to avoid getting involved in other projects. I felt a great sense of accomplishment from getting people to quit the CCP and saving lives this way! I was strongly pursuing fame. In comparison, working on IT meant that I would have to sit in front of a computer every day, often until midnight. At times, I would get stuck on a problem for several days and couldn’t see any results despite a lot of effort. Compared to the practitioners who have been working on Minghui silently for more than two decades, I feel ashamed.
Due to my reliance on other practitioners doing the IT work, Zhou was so busy that he had no time for Fa study. He was busy going to various truth-clarification materials production sites. He had to save his wife, who is also a practitioner, and go to work. I did not look at things from his perspective. In fact, I was being selfish, but still thought we had different abilities and were accomplishing different missions.
After Zhou was arrested and detained, I was shocked to discover I had so many shortcomings. Besides rescuing Zhou, I had to ensure local practitioners had enough materials to give out to save people and that the materials production sites continued to operate normally. Despite being under pressure, with Master’s protection and practitioners’ selfless help, part of the problem was solved and the other part is gradually being worked out.
Resentment and Impatience
Last year, nearly a month after Minghui had published calendars for clarifying the truth, I heard that other areas had already finished production. I became anxious. Finally, when it was time for us to begin to work on the calendars, I was stumped when I went to Zhou’s place and six printers were not working. After trying to repair them for over a week, they still would not work. I thought: “We all know that we need to make calendars at this time of year, why didn’t we prepare the equipment beforehand? The finances were arranged ages ago.” I grumbled inside but said, “Try to resolve this!” Two days later, a practitioner told me that Zhou had said that while I was complaining he did not say a word, meaning he was cultivating himself. I got upset, “Aren’t you implying that I was wrong? I cannot say anything, because the moment I speak, you accuse me of being resentful. If I don’t say a word, how can things be resolved?” I felt that I was being treated unfairly.
Master’s words came to mind:
“Whenever you encounter problems you should each look inward to search for the cause within, regardless of whether you’re to blame or not.” (Teachings at the Conference in Europe)
How could I just think about getting others to do things, when I don’t do anything? I even use division of labor and cooperation as an excuse. Whenever there was a problem, my first thought was to blame others. It was wrong even if I did not say anything aloud, because others can feel when I have gone against the universal principles. I found my human notions and calmly raised two feasible recommendations. I placed myself within the issue, instead of pointing fingers at others from outside, and things were successfully resolved.
Competitive Mentality, Caught Up in Doing Things
While printing calendars last year, Zhou wanted us to use the second paper tray in the printer. There are two paper trays in the printer: Tray 2 can take more paper and it makes things easier. However, there was a problem loading paper in Tray 2. After a few rounds of printing, the paper got jammed and we switched to using Tray 1. When Zhou saw us using Tray 1, he said, “Didn’t I ask you to use Tray 2?” I explained, “Tray 2 is slow in loading paper, so it holds things up.” Zhou said, “How can it be slow, it is fine!” I said, “You can ask other people.” Another practitioner said the same thing as me, but Zhou still insisted, “It’s fine.” As we had already spoken about this in the past, we secretly used Tray 1 when Zhou was not around. I asked, “Do you think we are lying then?” I regretted saying this. Isn’t this a manifestation of fighting with others, and something that comes from Party culture?
One after another, the printers stopped working. I returned home and began to read the book Collected Teachings Given Around the World, Volume X. I broke out in a cold sweat. One does not simply say one is looking within, it must be unconditional. In front of everyone, I admitted I had a competitive mentality, was caught up in doing things, felt unjustly treated, did not like to be criticized, was jealous, and so on. I asked Master for help and the printers began to work normally. We successfully finished making the calendars.
Fear
I had always thought Zhou was someone rational who pays attention to safety. But this time, we were robbed of many personal belongings, as if the evil knew everything. Especially nowadays with big data, mobile phone surveillance, and cameras, how do we practice cultivation in such a terrifying environment that is controlled by the old forces?
Master looks after every practitioner. The old forces too are watching over our every thought without blinking an eye. Every one of us has Buddha and demon nature. There are only two paths in front of us: one is the path to divinity arranged by Master, and the other is the path arranged by the old forces. We know this persecution is not one aimed at humans but a battle between good and evil in other dimensions. When dealing with incorrect cultivation states, we should not passively accept things but should proactively deny the persecution.
Master said:
“All of you are aware of the principle of mutual-generation and mutual-inhibition. If you have no fear, the factor that would make you afraid will cease to exist.” (“Eliminate Your Last Attachment(s),” The Essentials of Diligent Progress II)
Then what is the source of “fear”? It is a notion formed to protect self to avoid being hurt. A practitioner asked, what are notions? Some said that notions are “human thoughts.” I was not clear about this. That night, while studying the Fa, I read:
“Human beings have memory. While we call it “memory,” and it sounds like something conceptual, it is in fact something really, truly material.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2010 New York Fa Conference,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume XI)
“If you cultivate well today, that much will thaw; cultivate well tomorrow, and that much more will be melted away; cultivate well the following day, and that much more will melt. And it will continue, little by little, till the point that your righteous thoughts are truly sufficient. At that point the amount of heat you generate will have increased, and you will be able to fully melt it away.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2010 New York Fa Conference,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume XI)
Zhou has always been respectful toward me and we have had no gaps working together. As I wrote this sentence, I realized that it was Zhou who had been cooperating with me, not the other way round. I keep saying that I’ve been playing a complementary role, but in reality the traits I displayed are from Party culture.
While rescuing practitioners, we should not talk about the practitioner’s shortcomings, but instead look within and dig out our attachments. Only then can we form a solid one body, eliminate the evil, and save more people.
Thank you, Master, for your salvation! Thank you, fellow practitioners, for your selfless help!
(Selected submission for the 22nd China Fa Conference on Minghui.org)
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