(Minghui.org) I am a young practitioner who grew up in a family of Falun Dafa practitioners. I have known that Falun Dafa is good since I was a child. However, I encountered various temptations in society and gradually drifted away from the Fa as I grew up. I returned to Falun Dafa after I encountered some health issues in recent years.
Our company hired a Gen Z girl, whom I will call Ava. Our company is a small business where the majority of the employees were born in the 1990s (Gen Y), with only a few born in the 2000s. I soon discovered one of her characteristics: she liked to initiate conversations by praising people right away, but her praise was often irrelevant and baseless, as if she were praising people merely for the sake of it.
Over the course of a year, my initial vague notions and opinions about Ava gradually grew to very serious levels and revealed many previously unnoticed attachments that I had. The process of overcoming these negative notions was a repetitive process. To report my cultivation to Master, I resolved to write them all down to expose them completely and to let them go.
Flattery and Praise
During that period, I happened to be listening to articles on “flattery and demonic interference” on Minghui Radio (MHRadio.org). I realized that her behavior was aimed at my desire for compliments.
I often received praise at work during that period of time, and I knew I should not desire praise and compliments, so I would act humbly, but deep down I still felt quite pleased. After each compliment, I would reflect on my work, savoring the moment, becoming absorbed in it, and feeling self-satisfied. I was really a bit carried away during that time.
Well, here came this person who’s good at compliments. You pick up a plate, and she says it’s highly tasteful. You write some characters, she says they are calligraphy. She goes on and on with exaggerated words and flowery praise, mixed in with some internet slang, pretending to know what she doesn’t. I felt awkward listening to her flattery.
This was the first time I had ever felt so uncomfortable with someone’s praise, so I became mindful of my thoughts, words, and actions, trying to avoid hearing Ava’s words. When I heard praise from other colleagues, I would immediately look within to see whether I felt pleased or sought recognition. I tried hard to suppress these feelings, with some success.
She Is a “Mirror”
I later had the opportunity to spend time alone with her. Besides clarifying the truth to her, I also learned about some of her past experiences. Her “love of praising others” stemmed from her lack of recognition in childhood, which led to her being very insecure. She thus believed that praising others was a good thing, so she would praise them, thinking that it was good for them.
I explained the harm of flattery and praise to her but couldn’t convince her. She expressed some of her own opinions, which were all distorted modern ideas and behaviors. I later occasionally tried to figure out how to persuade her to stop praising me like that, not out of concern for her, but out of the selfish motive that I didn’t like to hear it.
I also realized that she was a mirror during this process, and I reflected on how I would sometimes say things that I didn’t mean to flatter others out of a desire to save face or to please them. I paid attention to this, but I didn’t understand it very deeply at the time.
One day I realized that deep down I actually wanted her approval—because I had never felt her genuine praise, which made me unconsciously want to show myself off in front of her, with the aim of letting her see my excellence and thus say the kind of praise I wanted to hear.
I recalled that a practitioner once shared that “the root of my resentment toward others was that they didn’t flatter me enough.” It was Master who enlightened me that I had the same problem. I felt completely enlightened, letting go of those conceived thoughts and churning ideas in my mind. I let go of the matter during that period of time.
Unexplained Jealousy
Ava was very guarded around others, but she was relatively open with me. I knew this was our destiny, or rather, her destiny with Falun Dafa. During a private conversation with her, she tearfully told me that she felt unfairly treated because she was very sincere and kind to others, but others didn’t treat her well, which made her feel wronged. She said there were very few kind people like her.
I was very surprised to hear that because I had always thought she was hypocritical, that she only spoke to flatter and please, that she had a strong sense of purpose, and that she didn’t say anything sincere. However, my opinion of her changed a little after that conversation.
I later figured out that her cognition was weak. For example, she thinks she’s sincere, but I see that she’s at least not genuine. She said she was very kind to people (including me and some other colleagues), but I didn’t see how she was kind to these people besides flattering them. In reality, other colleagues and I often helped her with things. She said she kept her home very clean, but her workspace was dirty and messy. She said she was always very busy at work, and her direct supervisor complained that she was busy but didn’t get any work done.
Another time, while chatting with someone in the office, she said it was a blessing for anyone to be her friend. I was stunned to hear this, thinking how arrogant she was. I realized I was trapped in a vicious cycle of constantly finding fault with her, comparing what she said to her self-perception, which led me to think, “You’re not like who you say you are.”
I felt resentful, and many times I had an impulse to negate her, or even ridicule and belittle her, when she was talking arrogantly. I sensed that this was jealousy, but I didn’t know why it was jealousy, or what I was jealous of. I had to find a way to get rid of this jealousy.
I tried to see her good aspects. I knew she was kind; some of her ideas, which others might consider “naive,” were actually just “simple.” Her words of flattery and actions were things she had acquired for survival. As for her “sincerity,” while she wasn’t entirely genuine, she was somehow sincere. She also said she never maliciously speculated about others—isn’t that a great virtue? Most people can’t do that, including myself, a practitioner. I was ashamed that I couldn’t refrain from maliciously speculating about others and often have negative thoughts.
I talked to my mother, a practitioner, when I went home. My mother said that if Ava said she was good, then she was good. “She is a good child! You should think that way too,” she said. I thought about Ava’s good qualities and began to feel that she was a good child as well.
But my resentment kept coming back. Sometimes I found her quite cute and interesting, while other times I still couldn’t stand her. I couldn’t stand her sloppiness, carelessly leaving things lying around, lack of manners, being greedy, and taking more than she should.
I thought to myself that she was a mirror of me. Cultivation is about cultivating oneself. She’s putting on a show for me, helping me get rid of my attachments. I need to look within. Do I sometimes lack self-awareness and not know what I’m doing? Am I too focused on manners? Am I also greedy and gluttonous? Do I sometimes speak to please people? Do I also like to pretend to know what I don’t and show off? Indeed, I have these attachments, so I will eliminate them.
Whenever a feeling of disgust arose in my heart, I would deny it: This isn’t me, I’ll destroy you. I would repeat this several times until the feeling gradually disappeared.
For a period of time, I seemed to have stopped having feelings of disgust about her, but I found myself opening up and talking about her when her superiors complained to me about her funny behaviors.
Once, after finishing a tiring task, I returned to the office exhausted. Only Ava and another colleague remained; everyone else had gone home. I had brought back a variety of fruits, more than enough for everyone in the company to have one. So I gave each of them two fruits.
After receiving the fruit, Ava made some hesitant, mumbling noises. When I asked what was wrong, she didn’t face me and said nothing. I asked three times, and she said nothing, so I was annoyed and walked away. Then she said she wanted to change the fruit to something else. I rarely get angry, but I felt a surge of anger at that moment. I felt she lacked self-awareness, and her language and way of expressing herself were very offensive to me. I held back my anger and let her choose one herself. On the way home, I acted very unhappy, and I barely responded to her when she spoke. I could feel that my mannerisms were putting a lot of pressure on another colleague as well.
After we parted, I felt guilty: this wasn’t how a cultivator should behave. On the way home, I kept thinking about why I was so annoyed with her. Why was I so dissatisfied with her behavior? If someone else behaved selfishly or badly, I wouldn’t react this way: they are everyday people, there’s no need to take it to heart.
I then realized that, on the one hand, it seems that she has never appreciated my kindness, only offering polite and exaggerated thanks without truly feeling gratitude. I felt disrespected. Although I didn’t seek material rewards, I seemed to crave at least a sincere response. This stemmed from having an unbalanced heart and a desire for rewards and recognition.
I also felt dissatisfied because she thought she was so good, while she acted so badly. I found what I was jealous of: I can’t accept that you act so badly yet think you’re so good; you need to know who you are. The subtext seems to be: I’m so virtuous, yet I don’t say I’m good; how can you so shamelessly claim to be good? Isn’t this exactly what Master said in his teachings:
“… if someone is doing well, instead of feeling happy for him or her, people will feel uncomfortable.” (Lecture Seven, Zhuan Falun)
It was only when I was writing this article that I realized that this was the evil Party culture that “controls everything, from heaven and earth to people’s thoughts.” No wonder I couldn’t find the source of this jealousy when I tried to trace it back to its origin. Master said that the evil communist spirit is like poison.
I sent forth righteous thoughts to destroy the evil spirit. I felt a great power, and I destroyed many of these corrupt things layer by layer. Afterward, I didn’t feel any disgust or jealousy anymore.
One thing happened during this time. Ava insisted on showing me her camera one day. Every employee has a camera, and they are similar. For some reason, she asked me to look at her camera. At first glance, I noticed that hers was missing an accessory that she would need that day. I let her borrow mine and avoided her getting in big trouble.
I realized that this unusual thing was divine beings helping her. When she thanked me, I responded that the gods were helping her. She had told me before that many helpful people had assisted her during difficult times in her life. For example, there were several times when she was very anxious and confused, and she happened to have the opportunity to be alone with me. I talked to her about some principles of the Fa to enlighten her, and it helped her a lot. I had actually realized long ago that gods were helping her, but she always thought that it was people who had helped her, so I reinforced her understanding by saying, “Heaven is helping you.”
This time I realized that Master had enlightened me again. I thought, “Even the gods help this person, yet I go against her and oppose her. Am I going against gods? I must stop being so deluded!” A big knot in my heart was untied.
Recently, when I saw her in trouble, I offered her help without any selfish motives, and for the first time, I felt her genuine gratitude. At that moment, my heart was calm, without a single ripple. Afterward, I saw her try to be friendly and close to me, and I thought: What a simple and lovely girl. At that moment, I experienced the wonder of making progress in cultivation.
Letting Go of the Attachment to Seeking Fame
When I revisited my previous grievances against Ava, I realized that jealousy was the deeper underlying issue, but on a superficial level, it was still about “seeking fame” because I value civilized behavior and reputation highly, and I felt that her behavior lacked these qualities, i.e., her behavior was too undignified, indecent, and lacked a sense of propriety.
I recalled that I had a desire for fame since I was a child. My desire to show off, to save face, to gain a good reputation and popularity, and to show off my taste, personality, cognition, preferences, and so on, were all related to this.
I have a vague sense of other attachments and about what kind of lives they represent, such as jealousy and competitiveness. Although I cannot see them, I can perceive their forms of existence. Meanwhile, the substance of “fame” creates a huge barrier in my spatial field; I feel it is immense yet invisible. I cannot feel it, and I cannot find it.
I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the substance of seeking fame when I discovered it. I felt my space became clearer, as if a large layer of substance had been removed. Later, while sending forth righteous thoughts again, I could no longer sense its presence and thus felt lost. But I knew of its existence, so I firmly held onto this righteous thought, and ultimately, I felt a significant amount of this substance being removed.
Letting Go of My Fundamental Attachment: Pursuing Spiritual Comfort
I’ve thought about it for a long time: what exactly is my fundamental attachment? I’ve known that Falun Dafa is good as long as I can remember. This thought has been deeply rooted in my heart. I didn’t notice any other thoughts. Even though I eventually resumed cultivation because of health problems, I didn’t cultivate for “seeking a cure.” But I did have a vague feeling that my heart toward Dafa was not so pure.
I once eliminated an attachment, and when I revisited the process of letting it go, I realized that I was determined to eliminate it because it made me feel unwell, sleepy, tired, and other negative states. I lacked the firm belief and determination of a true cultivator who wanted to let go of all attachments and return to one’s original true self.
Re-examining my past, I found that I have valued inner balance and comfort, not material comfort, but a spiritual comfort from a young age. I always thought my pursuit was simply to cultivate; it turns out I was actually seeking a state of spiritual comfort through cultivation.
After realizing this, I remained calm. I understood the seriousness of cultivation. I could clearly feel Master guiding me out of the human realm step by step. I knew clearly that I should work on the deeper aspects of my heart. I should be more resolute and pure in my determination to cultivate and treat Master and Dafa with a clearer and more rational mind.
I entered a stage where I began to notice and let go of the bad things I had acquired from society, with its deviated culture and modern behaviors, and thought karma. I often realized with surprise: I am becoming purer! This is because I could clearly feel that my current thoughts are different from those of a certain period not long ago. There are fewer human notions, and I am truly being purified and transformed little by little, and I often find it incredible.
All of this was done by Master, who has bestowed everything upon his disciples. It is Master and Dafa that are tempering his disciples and helping them rediscover their original true selves.
Words cannot express my gratitude to Master for arranging my cultivation environment, including the people and events for me. My enlightenment quality is so poor that it took me a year to pass the test. I hope to do better in the future.
Heshi
(Selected submission for the 22nd China Fa Conference on Minghui.org)
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