(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa with my parents when I was a child, and I’ve now practiced for 30 years. I discovered that I have a very strong attachment to “self.” I disregard other people’s feelings, and I don’t try to view things from their perspective. I always think I’m right. I also realized “ego” is a manifestation of selfishness. I’d like to tell you how I eliminated my selfishness.
Eliminating Selfishness at Work
I work in a small but unique company. I’m in charge of a team, and I have three subordinates. I like doing things independently and don’t really care about others. I’m reluctant to manage people, nor am I good at it. The four of us work independently, and it has been harmonious. However, problems started appearing in our team.
Incident 1:
The company introduced a new welfare scheme this year, and it was particularly attractive to employees. Due to certain requirements, Beth on my team is not eligible for it. She desperately wanted this benefit and tried many ways to meet the criteria. I also tried to help her, and I asked coworkers in other departments how to resolve the problem. Although I was rather busy, I spent a lot of time helping her, and I thought of all kinds of approaches.
As Beth works in another office, she didn’t know what I did for her. I asked Ann on my team to quickly handle some procedures that needed to be completed within a tight deadline. Although Ann did what she was asked, she was very angry and went directly to my supervisor to complain. At the same time, Beth thought my proposal would make her suffer some losses, and she wanted the company to offer compensation. If not, she might reconsider accepting this benefit.
Not only that, on the phone, she complained to me and said I didn’t do anything to resolve her problem. She had to find solutions herself and she felt especially at a loss.
I was upset when I heard her complaints. I felt I was treated unfairly. I spent so much time and effort on her problem. I made Ann so upset that she went to my supervisor and yet Beth did not appreciate what I did. When I reported the situation to the supervisor, she criticized me for not handling things well.
On the way home, the more I thought about it, the more upset I was. I wept. Although I knew from Master’s teachings this was a test, I still felt awful. I recited “When it looks impossible and is said to be impossible, give it a try and see if it is possible” (Zhuan Falun).
I forced myself not to think of the matter and recited Master’s poem: “He’s right, And I’m wrong, What’s to dispute?…” (“Who’s Right, Who’s Wrong,” Hong Yin III)
The feeling of grievance kept surfacing, and I recited the poem nonstop. The next day was the deadline for this month’s submission. Otherwise, Beth would have to wait until next month for her entitlement. Ann already completed the procedures at our end; all that was missing was Beth’s paperwork. Forcing myself to stay calm, I discussed with my supervisor a proposal to compensate Beth. After confirming things, I called Beth while my superior listened to the conversation.
Beth’s attitude remained the same. She expressed her displeasure towards me. I told her all the things I did for her at my end, as well as what Ann did to help her. I also told her we worked overtime to try to help her resolve things. She accepted the proposal to make up for her losses and realized she had misunderstood us. She apologized to me. That day, she completed the paperwork at her office, and the whole matter was resolved.
I eliminated a lot of my resentment through this incident. I also reflected on my behavior: I am still seeing things from my perspective, which is “selfishness.” Because I don’t like managing other people, I dragged things to the last minute and only began to find solutions when Beth could not wait any longer and pushed me to act. Yet, as the leader of this team, I’m responsible for solving my subordinates’ problems, whether I like it or not. Ultimately, the problem lies with me. I failed to fulfill my responsibility and made my subordinates upset.
Incident 2:
Soon after this incident, two things happened.
The first was that Ann was especially angry because of Incident 1. She went to my superior and complained about many problems, mainly that I was not a responsible manager.
After they spoke, my supervisor came to see me. My first reaction after hearing Ann’s feedback was I’d been wronged. Then, I felt frustration. I knew I wasn’t a responsible manager, and I tried to make an effort to change, but I did not meet my supervisor’s and subordinates’ expectations. I said to my supervisor, “If you still aren’t satisfied with my performance, why don’t you replace me? I’ll accept whatever decision you make.”
The second thing was that Beth came to me again about the division of work on our team. She asked not to work with Ann as she could not accept her way of doing things. She also gave me several examples to prove her point.
We spoke on the phone for nearly two hours, and Beth remained adamant. She was also very angry. I wasn’t aware of most of the circumstances Beth mentioned but I knew what she said was true. Ann had these shortcomings.
I said that the problems caused by Ann at work were mainly due to my failure to manage things properly in my team. I didn’t make things clear and never paid attention to the division of work between them. This led to problems in cooperation.
I knew this was another test. I wasn’t upset by Beth’s attitude, but I didn’t know how to handle the situation. I struggled mentally, and I thought about quitting.
I reported the situation to my supervisor. Her response was that I should resolve things as soon as possible, starting with the division of work. She also asked me to hold a weekly meeting. I then started to think of ways to solve the problem. Every day, I had to persuade myself that what I’m doing will benefit my subordinates at work. I cannot think about whether I want to do it or not. I need to let go of my feelings and think of others.
I spent roughly two weeks thinking of a solution. I held a meeting. I made ample preparations, from every detail in the work process to problems that may occur, as well as how to solve these problems, and I went through them with my team. Ann and Beth also made suggestions. In the end, everyone reached a consensus, and we decided to implement the changes in the next month.
My supervisor was happy with the results of this meeting and felt I had finally shown my true capability. That day, on the way home, I felt as if a weight was lifted. I thanked Master for arranging this opportunity to get rid of some of my “selfishness.”
The next challenge soon came up: I had to hold a meeting every week. Prior to that, we only held a meeting once a month to arrange tasks for the month. Everyone would then complete the tasks independently. Now that I was asked to hold a weekly meeting, I was scared. Before each meeting time, I spent a lot of time preparing myself mentally. In the process, I kept asking myself: “Why are you so afraid? Why are you reluctant to hold meetings?”
The answer was: “I am still looking at things from my perspective: this is not what I am good at. I am not seeing things from my subordinates’ and leaders’ angle; it is still a manifestation of selfishness.”
I recited the Fa constantly before each weekly meeting to overcome my selfish thoughts. Gradually, my fear weakened, and after we started holding regular meetings, problems that existed in the past were resolved one by one. I also observed that Ann and Beth’s performance improved tremendously. The conflicts between them lessened.
Eliminating Selfish Thoughts Towards Relatives
My aunt called and said she wanted to visit us. I told my mother, who is also a practitioner, “She wants to borrow money.” Last year, she asked to borrow money twice to help her son. The first time, she did not tell us why she needed money urgently, and I did not ask. I immediately loaned her the money. Soon after, she asked us to lend her money again. This time I asked her why and realized my cousin wanted to pay for his superior’s airfare,e but he did not have the money.
Still, I loaned the money, but reminded my aunt not to be fooled by my cousin. So, this time when they wanted to borrow money from us, I guessed it was probably to help my cousin. When they came on the weekend, they told us my cousin kept asking them for money, and their savings were gone. My aunt and uncle’s pension money was insufficient, and my uncle had already spent the limit on several credit cards. They also borrowed money from friends and relatives. Now, they wanted to borrow from us because they had to pay the loan on the credit card, as well as the money they borrowed from their neighbors.
My mother and I thought they shouldn’t continue giving my cousin money. He hadn’t been home for more than a year, and we suspected he may have done something bad.
I told my aunt why I didn’t want to lend them money: “The more I help you, the more you give your son—it’s a vicious cycle. If I don’t lend you the money, your son won’t ask you for money again, as you have none.” My uncle was upset and stood up to leave.
My mother asked my aunt to stay. My aunt asked my mother if we could lend her a smaller amount, just enough to repay their credit cards. My mother agreed. I disagreed but said, “I’ll listen to my mother, since she agreed to loan you money, I will transfer the money to you.”
After my aunt left, the more I thought about it, the more upset I became. I sat on the sofa and cried. I recalled that when we bought a house and did not have enough money to pay the deposit, we asked my aunt for a loan. Although she was well off, she told my mother on the phone, “We have no money to lend you.” When things were hardest, not only did she not come to see us, she didn’t even phone us. Another time, she came to take my mother to attend a relative’s funeral, but my mother didn’t receive her phone call. She reprimanded my mother the moment she stepped into our house. I was angry and told her off.
Recalling things that happened in the past, I became angrier. My mother told me why she agreed to lend my aunt money. Before the persecution, my aunt practiced Falun Dafa, but stopped after the persecution began. During the persecution, her family supported us. My mother wanted to show them that Falun Dafa is good through this incident,t and she hoped my aunt would return to cultivation.
After hearing my mother’s words, my rational side agreed with her. But I could not forget how my aunt mistreated us in the past. I knew I was wrong, and this touched my attachment to self as well as my sentimental attachment to my mother. I began to recite: “When it looks impossible and is said to be impossible, give it a try and see if it is possible” (Zhuan Falun) until I calmed down.
The next week, my mother called my aunt to ask for her bank details. She also asked how much money they owed on their credit card. After the phone call, my mother asked if we could lend them enough money to repay all their debts. My feelings of injustice resurfaced and I was reluctant to help them. But this time, my rational side took the upper hand. I told my mother she could transfer however much money she wanted. When my mother called my aunt again to tell her we lent her money to repay all her debts, my aunt and uncle were moved to tears.
When they came to our house to collect the money, my mother said, “We agreed to do this because we are practitioners.” She told them how she benefited from practicing cultivation. My aunt was touched and said she wanted to resume practicing.
After my mother told me what happened, I thought it was good to lend my aunt the money. It was a great thing that she started to practice cultivation again. She knew Dafa was good, and through this incident, she knows Master is still looking after her. She decided to practice cultivation again, not because we loaned her the money. At the same time, I sighed because I had such strong selfish thoughts. Because of the way my aunt hurt my mother in the past, I harbored a grudge towards her all this time and nearly made her miss the opportunity to return to cultivation. I am a terrible practitioner. I thank Master in my heart for his ingenious arrangement. It exposed my problem, helped me get rid of selfishness, and gave my aunt the chance to practice cultivation again.
Through these recent experiences, I also realized how damaging selfish thoughts can be. I still have many selfish thoughts. I can only keep practicing cultivation diligently to repay Master for his salvation.
Please kindly point out anything that is not aligned with the Fa.
(Selected submission for the 22nd China Fa Conference on Minghui.org)
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