(Minghui.org) I got into a conflict with a fellow practitioner when we went out to distribute truth-clarification materials to save sentient beings. After looking within and improving my xinxing, I experienced positive changes both physically and mentally. I’d like to share this experience with fellow practitioners so that we can cultivate diligently and improve together in our cultivation.
One night, I went to a village with practitioners Amei and Bing. Amei and I distributed together along one route, while Bing distributed along another route by himself. After finishing, we were going to another village to distribute materials, when both of my hips felt sore and painful, and my legs hurt so much that it was difficult to walk. There were more than 10 houses left, and Amei said to me, “Bing may have gone back because he had only six booklets left when we met.”
I thought that since Amei is older than me, she is slim and small, and she still has a lot of farming work to do at home, I should distribute the remaining materials by myself. So I told her, “Pass me the remaining copies, and you can wait here in case Bing comes by to do a repeated distribution. That way we won’t waste resources.” Amei said, “It will be faster if we do it together. Or, you leave the remaining copies to me, because I walk faster than you.” I replied, “Better give them to me. You can wait here for me and have a rest at the same time.”
After I finished distributing the materials, Amei said impatiently, “There were just a few houses left. Why did you take so long? Do you know how I feel? If I were to have left, I’d worry that you may not find me when you came back; but in staying, I had to wait for so long. I heard dogs barking and I thought something had happened. I kept thinking about you. That made me so angry.” I explained, “Those remaining houses were individual houses that were spaced far apart. Going to every house required a long detour. That was why I came back so late.” I thought that she would be less angry after I explained the situation, but she got more furious and said, “I suggested that we do it together but you refused. You also didn’t allow me to go by myself. I walk faster than you, but you insisted on going alone.”
Amei became more and more agitated. She looked as though she was about to explode. As I listened, my blood started to boil. I thought to myself “What do you mean? Didn’t I do that for your good? Aren’t you not appreciating my kind intentions?” Amei continued, “Oh, do you know how I felt? I would rather do it myself than wait for you. Do you know how it felt to wait such a long time, not seeing you return?”
Amid Amei’s relentless complaints, my heart was pained. I felt wronged. At the same time, my hips were even more sore and painful, such that every step was very difficult. This double pain made tears come to my eyes. “Your character is as such. You do not listen to other people’s words and stubbornly insist on your own opinion right until the end.” Amei’s words were like bullets shooting out of a rifle. Every sentence hit on my fragile heart, which felt so wronged. My heart hurt like it was being stabbed by a needle and I could no longer bear it.
Suddenly, Master’s Fa appeared in my mind:
“Forbearance is the key to improving one’s xinxing. To endure with anger, grievance, or tears is the forbearance of an everyday person who is attached to his concerns. To endure completely without anger or grievance is the forbearance of a cultivator.” (“What is Forbearance (Ren),” Essentials for Further Advancement)
Master’s Fa was like a hammer hitting my head. At that moment I asked myself, “What am I doing? Am I a Dafa practitioner? How have I cultivated for the past 20 years? Is this the forbearance of a cultivator? I can’t even tolerate such a small matter?” I asked myself repeatedly and compared myself with the Fa. Deep remorse kicked in and my turbulent heart gradually calmed down.
As I walked, I thought about why I hated my fellow practitioner’s nagging and why I didn’t spare a thought for Amei: “It is so late, the middle of the night. A 60-year-old lady has to bear the northern early spring cold winds, and worry for her fellow practitioner after a day of hard, exhausting work. How anxious she must have felt. Amei’s heart is so precious; how can this be her fault? Why can’t I cherish a fellow practitioner’s selfless sacrifice?”
I suddenly saw the light and looked within. I found that I had the attachment to not letting people tell me what to do, to my reputation, and I was impatient. I must treat this as an opportunity that Amei gave me to help me improve my xinxing. I must get rid of all my attachments and truly cultivate myself. I must cooperate well with fellow practitioners and save more sentient beings.
Right then, I felt a lot of stringy things being pulled out from both sides of my hips. My hips suddenly became relaxed and my legs were no longer heavy or painful. I thanked Master for his benevolent salvation, and also thanked Amei for giving me this opportunity to improve my xinxing.
I took a leisurely pace, smiled, and said to Amei, “Your criticism has really helped me improve my xinxing. I have really benefited from it.” She replied, “I gave you virtue.” I said, “Anyway, my hips no longer hurt and walking feels like a breeze now. Very comfortable.” When we passed by Bing’s house, we saw that the lights were on and we both laughed happily. Looking within is really good.
The above are my understandings based on my limited cultivation level.
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Category: Improving Oneself
