(Minghui.org) When people discussed fundamental attachments, I once believed I had eliminated them during the earlier stages of the persecution, so the topic didn’t concern me. However, I recently found it increasingly difficult to get along with people around me—they would argue with me for no reason, say hurtful things, and behave irrationally. For a long time I took it as a result of degenerated morality, in which friendships are eroded by power and personal interest. I assumed that it was normal for people to act that way, especially since I had lost an excellent job and no longer lived a luxurious lifestyle. With this mindset, I grew resentful towards many people. It wasn’t until I experienced a particularly difficult tribulation that I began to look within.
I have always felt a deep attachment to my family, but this connection has often caused me pain. The more I cared for and worried about them, the more they seemed to distance themselves and treat me unfairly. Despite enduring their negative treatment and attitude for years, they continually found new ways to test my patience. It often felt as though they saw me less as a loved one and more as someone to fulfill their needs.
Each time I became enraged, I realized it wasn’t because I was unwilling to give, but because they made me feel like a disrespected, ugly maid—an image I deeply abhorred. I knew this feeling was a result of being abused since childhood. I spent my entire life trying to avoid becoming that person, and I succeeded. As an adult, society viewed me as intelligent and elegant. Yet with just a single word, my family could reduce me to that unwanted image once again.
I couldn’t stop thinking of myself as an ugly maid and it deeply pained me. Recently, I suffered a hard blow and the painful feeling intensified. I often studied the Fa hoping to eliminate my attachment to family. One day, as I was reading, a thought surfaced, “Why do I hate this image so much? If I was really born with this ugly mundane look, would I rather die? Why don’t I make peace with it?”
With Master’s guidance, I read the article “Golden Buddha (With Master’s Comments).” In the story, two respectable-looking but insincere men jumped into a pot filled with boiling oil, and turned into pieces of fried dough, while the sincere heart of a filthy-looking butcher, who entrusted his heart to the two men as soon as he heard that they were going to see the Buddha, transformed into a golden Buddha. This made me realize that there is no real difference between the ugly image I despised and that of the so-called filthy butcher. My disdain for the ugly maid stemmed from my desire to appear decent on the outside—a desire rooted in impure thoughts.
Over 20 years ago, a practitioner visited a nursing home, and saw a diabetic elderly person whose feet were covered with ulcers and pus. Knowing that she’s a practitioner and should treat others kindly, she prepared a bucket of water and washed the blood and pus off the elderly person’s feet. Witnessing this, I was deeply shocked, realizing that I would never be able to do the same. To this day I remember this incident, and occasionally asked myself, “Would I be able to do it now?” My answer remains no, as I still care about looking nice and elegant, even though I know that a practitioner should not think that way.
I realized I had a fundamental attachment: the pursuit of all things nice and beautiful—a comfortable living environment, a pleasant personality, and an elegant look and posture. This pursuit was well-hidden within me.
This pursuit was difficult to recognize because it hid behind the notion of self-cultivation—“I am cultivating and, of course, I want to be a better person.” At one time, I was the envy of many. After practicing Falun Dafa, I gained a deeper understanding of life and began to see the world from a new perspective. Consequently, I started to believe I was spiritual and wise, thinking to myself, “See, Falun Dafa has made me a more beautiful and elegant person.” I justified my desire to become beautiful and elegant as harmless. I wished for myself and everyone around me to be peaceful, elegant, virtuous, and gentle. As a result, I avoided places I deemed unclean or low-end and distanced myself from people whom I judged as immoral or vulgar, fearing they might lower my status. I looked down on them while still trying to appear kind. To maintain my sense of grace and elegance, I often preferred solitude. It was as if I lived like a princess, only willing to remain in a beautiful garden, unwilling to venture where my skirt might get muddy.
I failed to see that all things nice and elegant are a result of cultivation, and they cannot be achieved artificially, especially when I tried to use Dafa to achieve this selfish goal. Cultivation is to suffer tribulations in this filthy world so that we become more pure and conform to a higher standard. What I did was the opposite—I avoided filthy things in this world and wasted opportunities to cultivate.
Being a practitioner is about being unconditionally altruistic, compassionate, and facing even the most difficult situations with joy. Through this understanding, I discovered a fundamental attachment that had been hidden within me. Reading many articles on Minghui, I saw how other practitioners endured tribulations far greater than my own without resentment. Inspired by their perseverance, I was determined to eliminate the filthy notion of feeling self-righteous. Gradually, I stopped resenting my family and friends. My heart softened and opened, and the desire to act like a princess disappeared. The pain of feeling like an “ugly maid” no longer hurt me. I felt light, like a brand new person.
Thank you, Master. I have finally become an open and noble practitioner, genuine both inside and out, and I no longer feel the need to avoid certain environments.
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Category: Improving Oneself
