(Minghui.org) I felt like I wasn’t making any progress in my cultivation. I read Falun Dafa’s teachings every day, but I did not gain any new insights. And I always did exercises a couple of hours later than the planned time. Even worse, I dozed off while sending forth righteous thoughts.
I knew there had to be something wrong with my xinxing, so I calmed down and examined my cultivation state. I thought I was doing pretty well, so what was going on? In recent conflicts with my wife (a fellow practitioner), when she criticized me, I was able to hold back and not talk back. I also knew to look inward. I should be making progress, so why was this happening?
I talked about my experiences with another practitioner and felt pretty good about myself when my wife suddenly said, “That’s very well said, but you don’t practice what you preach.” I was instantly unhappy. Why would she say that about me? I realized she hadn’t just said it once. I didn’t say anything. This time, I wasn’t just holding back, and I realized this wasn’t a coincidence. Master was using her to enlighten me. I started to look inward. Why would she say that about me? Doesn’t that mean I’m not truly cultivating? I look inward during conflicts, so wasn’t I cultivating?
When I had a conversation with my daughter (a fellow practitioner) that afternoon, I told her she wasn’t serious while doing things. She was perfunctory, and she needed to cultivate this away. Suddenly, I thought of how Master asks us to look inward at ourselves while seeing other people’s problems. I wondered if I also had this problem. I dug deep and thought about the conflicts with my wife. I realized that whenever a conflict occurred and she pointed out my flaws, I was silent and held back because of a deep-seated fear and being overly worried. As a cultivator, I used the Fa to restrain myself, but I didn’t truly understand that this is how I should be acting. I wasn’t genuinely looking for my own shortcomings. Because the other person was a fellow practitioner, I used the Fa to measure their flaws, so afterward, I always felt unbalanced inside. Isn’t this a human attachment to fear? Doesn’t that mean I haven’t cultivated? Am I a fake cultivator? If I don’t practice what I preach but still talk big, isn’t that being a “big talker”? Isn’t this a manifestation of Chinese Communist Party culture? No wonder seemingly simple conflicts kept repeating. Master arranged opportunities for me to improve, but I was using them to try to improve others. How foolish.
I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the elements of Party culture in my dimensional field and to cultivate away from being a “big talker” and being perfunctory. I realized that I must study the Fa more, use the Fa to change myself, and cultivate away my attachments so that I can ascend. It’s not enough to just use the Fa to restrain myself, as that’s only cultivating on the surface. At that moment, I felt my heart’s capacity expand, and the perspective from which I viewed problems changed. I sincerely thank my wife for her selfless help.
Since the Party culture was forced upon me from a young age, even though I usually send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it, Party culture still interferes with me. I will put in more effort to study the Fa and strengthen my righteous thoughts to eliminate the interference of Party culture and rectify myself in the Fa.
My level is limited, so please kindly point out anything that is not in line with the Fa.
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Category: Cultivation Insights
