(Minghui.org) I decided to go out to clarify the facts about Dafa. As soon as I went outside a sharp pain shot through my knee and I couldn’t take another step.
Gritting my teeth, I made my way to a bench next to the bus stop and sat down. I thought, “Why did this come on so suddenly? It must be the old forces interfering with my efforts to tell people about the persecution.” I began sending forth righteous thoughts, eliminating all evil factors that hindered practitioners from helping Master save people. Once I felt better, I clarified the truth to a few people at the bus stop and helped them quit the CCP and related organizations.
After I went home, I asked myself: “Why am I being interfered with? Have the old forces found a loophole in my cultivation?” I meditated and sent righteous thoughts. The next morning, the pain in my legs vanished completely, and I went out again to clarify the truth.
However, to my surprise, later that morning, there was a sudden sharp, intense pain in my knees again; I had no choice but to take a bus home. It seemed my issue wasn’t as simple as I’d first thought; there must be a significant loophole in my cultivation. Was this leg pain a sign that I wasn’t walking the righteous path? I began to reflect deeply on my recent cultivation, identified some serious issues existing within me, and wrote them down to share with other practitioners.
Let Go of the Notion Of “Being Old”
I’ve felt physically exhausted recently and my vision was blurred. Another practitioner told me that I doze off when I send righteous thoughts, and can’t even hold my head up. Although I’ve tried hard to correct this, I haven’t seen much improvement. Why is that? It’s because I’ve accepted the fact that I’m getting older. When I talk to people about Dafa I mention that my legs sometimes hurt because I worked in rice paddies when I was young.
Once the notion of “being old” took hold, it brought a whole host of other problems. I’ve practiced Falun Dafa for 30 years. When I think back a few years, everyone who saw me used to say I looked at least 10 years younger than my actual age. So why am I now having symptoms of old age?
We all know that practitioners are meant to return to their original, true selves. Yet I have not yet broken free from human notions. When faced with situations, I react just like an ordinary person; the Fa has not yet taken root in my mind. Isn’t thinking that I’m old show I lack faith in Master and the Fa? If human thoughts take over, I will forever remain human.
These two bouts of leg pain prompted me to change my human notions and rectify myself.
My Attachments Are Exposed
Throughout my cultivation practice, I always thought I was keeping pace with Fa rectification. I provided materials to other practitioners, uploaded lists of those who withdrew from the CCP, recorded articles for sharing, and clarified the truth face to face.
I seemed to be constantly busy, but was I truly cultivating? Especially when I clarified the truth, human thoughts and attachments often surfaced.
For example, what I saw that another practitioner had a long list of people who withdrew from the CCP, I compared myself to them and felt jealous that they helped so many people withdraw.
Every day, I’d calculate how many people I needed to talk to, so when I talked to people I rushed and I did not clarify the truth thoroughly. This did not come from a genuine sense of responsibility toward them. Isn’t saving people with such an impure heart just going through the motions?
Because I hadn’t cultivated well and I hadn’t let go of my desire for fame and gain, it was hard for me to be compassionate. Whenever I met someone who spoke harshly or threatened to call the police, my emotions would get the better of me. Although I didn’t say anything I felt resentful and thought this person was beyond help.
Reflecting on my journey of clarifying the truth for more than 20 years, I realized that in the earlier years, I wanted to keep pace with the process of the Fa-rectification, but the Fa has different requirements at different levels.
When I realize that I still harbor so many attachments, I truly feel that I have not cultivated well enough. This makes me feel unworthy of Master and unworthy of the sentient beings who have placed their boundless hopes in me.
Even though I study, copy, and memorize the Fa every day, I still haven’t truly grasped the essence of the Fa. If I continue to let myself slack off and fail to return to the state of cultivation I had at the beginning, the old forces will repeatedly find excuses to persecute me; even if I don’t acknowledge their persecution, my path of cultivation will still be full of obstacles. I made up my mind to devote myself to genuine cultivation, to quickly eliminate those negative human attachments, and to become a qualified practitioner.
Distracted By Current Affairs
Because I visit the Minghui website every day to download materials, upload names of people who quit the CCP and related organizations, and perform similar tasks, I inadvertently developed a keen interest in current affairs on the internet.
Eventually, I spent more time on these things than I did on Minghui. As I’ve absorbed more of these everyday influences, I found myself unable to achieve a state of tranquility when I meditated and when I send righteous thoughts. Although I knew this was wrong and would try to control myself for a few days, I inevitably went back to my old ways.
This continued for a long time, and I found it very distressing. I wondered, “How is this any different from being addicted to a cell phone?” I looked inward and realized I had a strong attachment: I constantly wondered what changes were happening in society and when Fa rectification would end. Because of this, my mind wandered off into all sorts of fantasies, and I was being led astray without even realizing it.
Master warned us long ago,
“Dafa disciples are human cultivators, not gods that cultivate, and so as people who cultivate, they will be interfered with to some extent. If they cannot handle themselves well, then they are just like ordinary people; and when interfered with, their behavior will be much like that of ordinary people. Some students haven’t encountered much in the way of ordeals and have gradually become lax. This means that they have formed attachments to the various temptations of ordinary society, and been dragged down by its lure.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2009 Greater New York International Fa Conference,” Collected Teachings Given Around the World Volume IX)
As we all know, the changes in ordinary human society are merely manifestations of the Fa-rectification; they are all predetermined. Becoming attached to these changes is precisely a sign of deviating from the righteous path, and it will increase the difficulty of our cultivation.
Once I realized this, I made a conscious effort to suppress the urge to browse the internet. In the days that followed, when I meditated and sent righteous thoughts, I truly experienced that wonderful state of profound stillness.
Summary
I feel even more deeply the solemnity of practicing Falun Dafa. To do the three things well, we must first cultivate ourselves well; it is crucial to pay attention to every word, deed, thought, and intention. Only in this way can we walk the path of cultivation correctly.
There is not much time left on our path of cultivation. In these final days, I will firmly keep Master’s teachings in mind, take each step steadily, study the Fa well, help Master save more sentient beings, and live up to the expectations of Master and all sentient beings!
Category: Cultivation Insights
