(Minghui.org) I excelled academically as a child, but I had a strong personality—I did things my own way and refused to submit to authority. My father became so infuriated at me that one night he sat on the roof and refused to sleep—my mother was reduced to tears.
In middle school, the boy sitting next to me bullied me in an attempt to claim more desk space, but I beat him until he cried. I even lifted his desk and smashed it to the floor, shattering one of the tinted lenses in his glasses. He got it replaced with a lens that didn’t quite match, so from then on, he wore glasses with one dark lens and one light one. He did not dare encroach on my space again.
I frequently had to write letters of apology, progressing from class-level to grade-level reprimands. Even after getting into a top-tier high school, I remained unchanged, giving all my teachers a headache. Because I was disrupting others’ studies, my homeroom teacher moved me to a seat behind a boy known for being a troublemaker. Perhaps she thought, “That should make you behave, right?”
I tormented the boy by pricking him with a needle until he couldn’t stand it anymore. He begged the teacher to move me, leaving the teacher with no choice but to seat me right at the front of her, next to the lectern. Eventually, the matter reached the principal, and I became known to him as well.
Beyond my tendency to go my own way, I suffered from a serious psychological issue. Due to my upbringing and my sensitive temperament, I always felt a lack of care and affection. I fantasized about finding a good husband to cherish me. So, my motive behind everything I did was to attract the attention of desirable men and I repeatedly found myself falling headlong into romantic entanglements.
Looking back, it feels as though my life was beyond saving and I was on the verge of total ruin. I often told myself that no one could control me and that I would never submit to anyone.
Yet, in quiet moments, I found myself pondering the nature of existence: Why are we born only to die? If success and failure ultimately lead to the same end, what is the point of striving? What is the purpose of life, really? Where can I find the answer?
During the winter break of my senior year of college in 1997, I returned home and, out of boredom, began browsing through the bookcase. I was intrigued to find the book Zhuan Falun and two other books on Falun Dafa. After reading them, I suddenly grasped the true meaning of life.
Master Li clearly explained everything about humanity! I realized that the world’s great mysteries were linked to the origins of mankind, and that the purpose of human existence is to cultivate one’s inner self while navigating life’s events, ultimately returning to one’s original, purest, and most benevolent state. Death is not the absolute end; rather, through the elevation of one’s character, life can reach a far more wonderful destination. It was as if I were a child waking up from a deep sleep filled with absurd dreams.
All my questions were answered and my outlook on life changed. I no longer acted solely on my own whims. Instead, I measured every action with Master’s teachings, and I was deeply regretful whenever I fell short. I worked to shed my many bad habits by aligning myself with the standards of the Fa.
People often say: “Rivers and mountains may change, but a person’s nature is hard to alter.” As long as a practitioner sincerely desires to rectify themselves, even deeply ingrained negative traits can be eliminated, allowing one to become selfless and benevolent.
For over 20 years I used the standards of the Fa to constantly rectify myself. I gradually cultivated both my actions and my inner heart, and today I’m a different person.
I was able to change quickly in some respects. For instance, I used to have a flippant attitude, believing that high grades were sufficient to prove my intelligence. I later realized that grades didn’t matter; what truly mattered was being responsible in how I conducted myself and handled tasks.
When I prepared for the postgraduate entrance exam, I studied diligently and ultimately ranked first in the science stream. I was admitted to a prestigious national university.
After I graduated I devoted myself to my work, and I quickly overcame technical challenges. The bosses at the companies where I worked were impressed by my competence and character. So, throughout the Chinese Communist Party’s persecution of Falun Dafa almost every boss tried to protect me.
However, there were other bad habits that seemed ingrained in my very bones, making them extremely difficult to change. For example, whenever I encountered a member of the opposite sex, even after I began cultivation, I often found myself being pursued. I struggled to control myself and would invariably feel tempted. Yet, as a cultivator, I knew I could not engage in such behavior, so I became distressed and avoided the situation.
For a long time, I felt utterly disheartened and despised myself. I often wept in secret, feeling filthy and unworthy of salvation, believing I let Master down. As I progressed in my cultivation, I understood the importance of examining my thoughts and the need to immediately eliminate any improper ones the moment they arose.
I dedicated all my spare time to studying Master’s teachings on relationships between men and women, such as the passage in “Teachings at the Conference in Los Angeles” where Master said,
“So, you have to be careful with this, especially younger Dafa disciples. If you are not married, you must not engage in sexual activity, and even less should those who are married make the mistake of having extramarital relations. Dafa disciples can of course get married while cultivating in ordinary society. That’s not a problem. But you must not make mistakes!” (“Teachings at the Conference in Los Angeles”)
At first, I read the teachings over and over; later, I memorized them repeatedly, and then I hand-copied them. Eventually, my mind was filled with Master’s teachings; sometimes, I even recited what Master said on the subject in my dreams.
As I studied the Fa more, my righteous thoughts grew stronger, and the bad thoughts stopped. When such situations arose again, they no longer stirred my heart. I crawled out of the cesspool; I could live with dignity and conduct myself as a clean, upright person. I wept whenever I reflected on this. My gratitude to Master is beyond words.
My Relationship With My Husband
When I first married I had no respect for my husband and I frequently vented my temper: I acted like a spoiled, entitled woman. I once struck him so hard with a stick that it snapped—he was in deep emotional pain.
I tried repeatedly to change my ways, but I always failed to control myself. Afterward, I would measure my actions against the Fa and weep with remorse. Eventually, I managed to hold my temper once out of every 10 conflicts, and finally, I achieved the state of “...one should not fight back when being punched or insulted...” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
Sometimes I still fell short and I would snap back or offer a few words of explanation, but I stopped hitting him. In the past, I was the one who hit him; later, the roles reversed and he hit me, yet I would not retaliate. I finally eliminated my explosive temper.
My bad behavior caused my husband to also behave badly. He escalated from physically abusing me to gambling as a way to vent his frustration. He eventually lost all our savings and racked up hundreds of thousands in debt.
I corrected my past faults, and through my cultivation I understood the pain I caused him. I was stunned to suddenly be faced with such a massive debt; I seriously considered taking our child and walking away. However, measuring the situation against the Fa, I asked myself, if I left now, what would he face? The money was gone, he had a huge debt, and his wife and child would have abandoned him. Wouldn’t that leave him with no way out? As a cultivator, I knew I couldn’t leave.
I wiped away my tears and I comforted him, saying, “Who doesn’t make mistakes? As long as you change, that’s what matters. Let’s just treat this as a business loss, we’ll pay it off together.”
He went through a difficult internal struggle, moving from a hunger strike to actively facing reality and looking for work to repay the debt. I looked inward, rectified my bad habits and dedicated myself to helping him pay off the debt; we sold our new home and paid off a portion of what was owed.
Later, as I continued practicing and my xinxing improved we had some good fortune: I landed increasingly better jobs, and my income rose steadily from 3,000 to 20,000 yuan a month. Aside from setting aside money for household living expenses, I used every penny to pay off his debt, and I did so without a single complaint.
Finally, one day, he noticed the changes in me and shared the thoughts he kept bottled up for over a decade. He said, “I used to suffer so much; every day I wondered how I ended up married to such a terrible woman.
“Do you think I didn’t want to study the Fa or become a better person? I always felt there was a wall blocking me, one I couldn’t break through. But now that I see you truly recognizing your mistakes from the bottom of your heart and genuinely improving through cultivation, that wall is gone. I’m going to start studying the Fa again!”
My husband underwent a tremendous transformation after he began practicing. He voluntarily gave up mahjong.
He also uninstalled inappropriate apps on his phone and stopped reading novels or watching harmful videos. He never hit me again. We have now paid off most of our debts.
Occasionally, when he felt distressed, he would still harbor resentment about my past; he might vent his grievances about me to others and keep harping on my old faults. I no longer lost my temper or felt that my pride was wounded; instead, I listened quietly as he vented. If I tried to explain, he would get angrier, so I simply stayed silent and waited for him to calm down. Seeing him become more cheerful day by day and return to the path of cultivation brings me genuine, heartfelt joy.
In the past, I was selfish, hot-tempered, arrogant, and undisciplined; I was self-centered, craved comfort, and I was indifferent to the suffering of others. Now, I am peaceful, kind, tolerant, and free of resentment, with a strong sense of responsibility toward both my family and my work. My state of mind is calm and steady—I think of others and am willing to endure hardship.
Whatever I gained from that endurance, I would share with those around me. Seeing them change because of my efforts brings a deep, inner happiness, a joy that no amount of material wealth could ever match. What brought about such a profound transformation in me? It was Master and Dafa who bestowed a brand-new life upon me.
