(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1997. When I look back at my cultivation, I feel truly ashamed that despite my studying the Fa for so many years, I failed to genuinely cultivate myself. I studied the teachings without truly grasping the essence. Because I was not guided by the Fa, I looked outward when I encountered issues and I reacted with human notions. When I did look inward, it was superficial. I failed to identify and eliminate the root cause of my attachment so the problems kept recurring. I also failed to realize from the Fa which human notions and attachments I needed to let go of. Thus, my cultivation path was fraught with stumbling blocks. I am truly sorry, Master!
Through studying the Fa and discussing with fellow practitioners, I finally understood that my relationship with people is saving and being saved; there is no other relationship beyond that. Even my family members are included in the people arranged by Master to help me fulfill my mission and help him save sentient beings. Interacting with my family members and dealing with conflicts were arranged to help me cultivate. I would like to tell you how Master used my family to assist in my cultivation; if anything is not in line with the Fa, please kindly point it out.
My Husband
My husband is hard of hearing and has a quick temper; he speaks loudly and loves to boss people around. I couldn’t stand it so I constantly told him to lower his voice. He didn’t listen and even cursed at me. I also resented his lack of education and poor manners. While I didn’t argue with him outwardly, deep inside I harbored resentment and refused to submit to him. Consequently, we had conflicts which sometimes escalated. Sometimes things became chaotic for a few days. No matter what I did, it was wrong in his eyes, he shouted, cursed, and even resorted to physical violence.
I couldn’t take it anymore so I complained to the practitioners in my Fa study group. I even cried. They offered their insights, and told me to look inward when I had a conflict—to unconditionally examine myself. They explained that family members act as a mirror, reflecting one’s own shortcomings. At first, I couldn’t grasp this; I insisted that I was right and that he was the one picking the fights. I was essentially still looking outward and blaming him.
On my way home, I thought about the Fa, and I suddenly understood: “What am I doing? Why am I locking horns with an ordinary person? Why argue over who is right or wrong? My relationship with him is simply one of saving and being saved. Perhaps his behavior is an opportunity for me to save him. I need to show him compassion and love, and let him see the beauty of Dafa and the kindness of practitioners, so he may be saved.” As soon as my mindset shifted, his hostile behavior ceased, and everything returned to normal. Its truly wonderful to practice Falun Dafa!
My Daughter Helped Me Cultivate
Driven by my attachment to my daughter and by ordinary human notions, I often judged her and tried to meddle in her affairs based on my own views. I was fond of playing the mentor, offering opinions, and wanting her to do things my way, but the results were counterproductive. She would lash out, and refused to follow my advice, while I felt hurt and got upset, thinking she was unfilial.
After deeply reflecting and calming down, I realized I forgot that a person’s life is determined by their karmic connections and that everything is pre-arranged; how could I expect things to go according to my personal preferences? It was her life path, who could interfere with this? Unless she were to practice Dafa, where Master would rearrange her life, my responsibility was simply to conduct myself well in our complex, intertwined relationship. I needed to let her see the greatness and magnificence of Dafa so she would know it is good and be saved.
That would truly be good for her and I would be being responsible for her; it also puts our relationship in the right perspective. On the surface we are mother and daughter, but in reality, we are in a relationship of saving and being saved. Once I understood these Fa principles, my heart became peaceful and I knew what to do. Now, I let things take their natural course, and our relationship has become harmonious, creating a better environment to clarify the truth to her and for her be saved by Dafa. This is Master’s painstaking arrangement to help me fulfill my mission to help him save sentient beings. I am deeply grateful to Master.
My Young Grandson
Cultivation is an extremely serious matter. The slightest lapse in vigilance can cause one to sink back into the realm of ordinary people. Swayed by human desires, thoughts, and emotions, one might do foolish, irrational things that fall short of the standards required for a cultivator. Moreover, such human desires are driven by the selfishness and narrow-mindedness that is inherent in the human heart, which can ultimately hinder the mission of saving sentient beings.
My young grandson started school, and his mother couldn’t pick him for his lunch break, so I took on the task of handling his midday commute. Every day, after bringing him home from school, we had to rush through lunch, followed by the struggle of getting him to take a nap, and then waking him up after just half an hour to avoid being late for class. If he didn’t wake up naturally, rousing him made him miserable, leading to crying and tantrums, which was a daily test of my patience. During my spare moments, I had to help him with his studies, yet he talked back and refused to listen. The tighter the schedule, the more he dawdled. Sometimes I lost my temper and yelled at, hit, or scolded him, only to trigger even more defiance. Getting worked up and angry left me frazzled and utterly exhausted, creating a vicious cycle.
One day, my little grandson cried, pointed his finger at me, and shouted, “You aren’t a good grandma; I don’t like it when you’re like this!” I was shocked. Indeed, I was not a good grandmother. How could I have been so impulsive, lacking both patience and compassion? All he received from me was irritability and strict discipline. There was no kindness and peacefulness in this environment, and he could not see the beauty of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. Then how could he possibly behave well?
Wasn’t his reaction a reflection of myself? I’m a practitioner—I should not strike back when I was hit or retort when I was scolded: I’m supposed to hold myself to the standards of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance. What had come over me? My behavior was exactly like the “one-voice” tyranny of the Chinese Communist Party, trying to control others, thinking I am right and doing what’s “best for him,” and insisting that things be done my way or not at all.
Controlling others’ thoughts and actions is terrible; I was behaving worse than an ordinary person. I studied the Fa for so many years, yet I hadn’t truly grasped it; which is why I was led astray by human sentiment and notions into doing absurd things that strayed far from the Fa. I am truly ashamed that I failed to live up to Master’s compassionate salvation.
There are no trivial matters in cultivation, and nothing we encounter is accidental. Everything is a well-ordered arrangement by Master to fulfill my long-held wish and prehistoric vow I made to assist him in saving sentient beings! Yet, I, an unworthy practitioner, was slow to realize my mistake, causing Master to worry about me. I now know I was wrong. My family members were arranged by Master to help me in my cultivation. From now on, I must study the Fa with a calm mind, immerse myself in the Fa, truly cultivate according to its requirements, assist Master in Fa-rectification, andhelp him save sentient beings. My only wish is to see Master smile!
Category: Cultivation Insights
