(Clearwisdom.net) Being raised in a family that practiced Confucianism and traditional medicine, I was educated to be honest, kind, and considerate to others. Since I was the older sister of four siblings, I was also told to be tolerant and give priority to my brothers and sisters. Therefore, from the time I was a child, people have regarded me as someone with all the above virtues. I considered myself a reputable person and looked down upon those who I thought were immoral. I took my reputation very seriously and a good name was what I wanted. I wanted my parents to be proud of me, and tried to live up to the title of a Dafa disciple. I also set the same standards for my younger siblings.
The reason for me to get into Dafa cultivation was that the discipline of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance was similar to my own value system. Being a good person was my goal, therefore, what I was doing was to be “good.” I realized early on that Dafa cultivation was more than “being a good person.” As a cultivator, I wanted to return to my true home with Master. I also understood that a Dafa disciple's mission was to save sentient beings and assist Master in Fa-Rectification. I thought I was doing the three things well and that my attachment to “being a good person” did not exist any longer, until I came across a fellow practitioner's experience-sharing article on this issue. I then realized that I had not let go of my human notion of being a good person in the secular world and that I was still struggling in the midst of fame, benefit, and sentimentality arranged by the old forces.
Now I can see how dangerous it was to stumble in everyday people's notions because “good” people and “bad” people are at the same level and in the same dimension from a certain perspective. Cultivators need to keep improving their xinxing to reach a higher level of being. The human notion of a “good” person was indeed a hard shell that restricted me from transforming into a higher being.
I was wondering why I had not obtained a heart of compassion. Why had I not reached that level? My answer was that it was related to my cultivation level. As I had been studying the Fa in a shell of human notions, how could I break though to a higher level? Now I have enlightened to the difference between everyday people's kindness and cultivators' compassion. Everyday people's kindness is doing good deeds within the framework of sentimentality and ego. The human notion of selflessness is still at the same level as selfishness, and they are the two ends of a continuum. However, compassion is based on the mind state of absolutely no consideration of self, but instead of only others. This mind state is enormous and high above human mentality, and this is the difference between human and divine beings.
Why did I use my standards to require other people to be “good” people? Why did I dislike or distance myself from “bad” people? Why was I so judgmental of others? Because I did not get rid of the notion of ego entirely, I was unable to be tolerant and compassionate to others. My efforts of striving to be a good person and caring for others were for the purpose of maintaining my fame, gaining benefits, and satisfying my emotional needs.
Everyday people's goals and wishes are all desires. My goal of being a good person in the secular world reflected my human desire and attachment. After having cultivated for over a decade, I was still stuck to this attachment and had not changed the original rationale of entering Dafa cultivation. That was dangerous and sad for a cultivator.
Master points out that
“If you, as a cultivator, only part with things superficially while deep down inside you still stick to something or cling to your own vital interests that you don’t allow to be undermined, I’d say to you that your cultivation is fake!” (Lecture at the First Conference in North America)
In the past, I studied the Fa but did not take its content to heart. I did not melt into the Fa. The heart of fame, the heart of showing-off, the heart of comfortable living, and other attachments were still in me. No wonder I could not obtain a heart of compassion, because so many human attachments were occupying me. I must let go of all these attachments.
Master has told us many times:
“You need to really, truly put some effort into cultivation, and not lapse into just doing it superficially; you shouldn’t have so many human attachments.”
“What I like are those who are honest and simple, sincere and down-to-earth. I also hope that you can all, after so many years of cultivating, positively grow in wisdom and not grow so much in terms of knowing how to deal with worldly matters or how to conduct yourself as a human being leading a worldly life.” (Fa Teaching Given at the 2010 New York Fa Conference).
I felt Master was talking about me and pointing out that I should truly cultivate myself diligently. Time will not always wait for me.
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