(Minghui.org) Having practiced Falun Gong for so many years, I did not feel that I had the attachment of jealousy until recently. In the past, I thought that jealousy came from admiring someone and that I was a person who was superior to others. Therefore, I couldn't possibly be jealous of others, instead people might be jealous of me. In fact, my attachment to jealousy was there, but it was buried deeply and hard to detect. With Master’s arrangement, my attachment of jealousy was exposed and I was given an opportunity to get rid of it.
Jealousy's Initial Appearance—My Envy of Practitioner A's High Pension
Fellow practitioner A was my classmate in elementary school, and a childhood friend. Here, I'll call her A. I introduced her to Falun Dafa after I started practicing.
A’s husband was also my classmate, they both retired from a government owned company and their pensions were twice as much as mine since I used to work at a privately owned company.
I had established a family-based materials production site that was funded mostly by myself. I bought all the printing materials. I thought that A might be able to support some cost of the CDs or DVDs so that other practitioners from the countryside would be less burdened.
However, her husband was strongly against spending money on Dafa projects and monitored her expenses closely. For example, she needed to get money from him to ride buses for a Fa study and he would only give her just enough money for that trip.
Jealousy's First Exposure
In the autumn of 2011, at a group Fa study session, Practitioner A shared her cultivation experience in getting an allowance from her husband. She said that her husband had agreed to give her 100 yuan per month so that she would have 1,200 yuan per year to support our materials' expenses.
After listening to her sharing, I said in a sarcastic tone, "That is too low. Why don’t you ask for more? One hundred yuan per month is too low and it is too shameful to mention."
As soon as I finished, a young fellow practitioner could not help but laugh. Practitioner A was embarrassed, could not take what I had said, and immediately got up and left.
When she didn't come to the next group Fa study, I was criticized by the other practitioners for being hostile towards her. I realized my problem and paid a visit to her to apologize.
After she left the previous Fa study session, A went home and cried, which led her to having a persistent high fever for a few days. She ended up getting an IV injection to control the fever.
After I apologized, she felt better and came back to the group Fa study.
Jealousy's Second Exposure
After the 2012 Chinese New Year, A came for the Fa study session and she took Shen Yun DVDs to distribute. I said, “Shen Yun DVDs are very high quality and cost a lot to make, please distribute them when talking to people face-to-face.”
A few days later, I received a phone call from A’s husband. He said, “A almost died because of you!” In fact, she collapsed suddenly and had a heart attack. She was sent to a hospital and was at home recuperating.
Two fellow practitioners and I drove to her house to see her, but her husband firmly refused to let us in. We had to leave. A few days after, I went alone and was able to talk to her when her husband was not at home.
Apparently, A went back home after the Fa study and cried again because she thought my reminder was directed at her. She thought I was asking her for more money to support making DVDs and for the materials site. She was anxious again and later had a heart attack.
At that time, I didn't explain that my comment was just a reminder and that I had no intention of asking for financial support.
At that moment, her husband retuned home. Seeing me sitting on the couch, he began swearing and grabbed my arms to drag me out of the house. There were three steps from his house to the entrance door, and my ankle was trapped on one of those steps, but he continued pulling. Finally he dragged me to the ground outside the gate and threw my belongings out of the window.
I sat there, and endured the pain in my foot. I finally slowly stood up and walked away. I saw people chatting on the first floor, I went ahead to say a few words, but heard the man shouting from the back "Get out of here." I smiled at them, and limped to the door. I took a taxi home.
Realizing I Had an Attachment to Jealousy
After I got home, I saw that my right ankle was swollen and had turned purple and black. It hurt so much that I couldn't sleep that night.
While laying there in pain, I realized that my tribulation might stem from some human attachments. Looking inwards, I realized that I only had the thought of looking down upon the couple. I did admit that I did not use the right tone to talk to her, which was my fault, but I actually thought that it was a hint from Master using my mouth. I felt it was to help her to improve her xinxing.
At that time I was reluctant to look inwards deeper. In fact, from the bottom of my heart, I looked down upon her husband. He did not have any skills but was very demanding since he had been deeply influenced by the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) .
I began realizing that my own tribulation was caused by my lack of compassion for others and my provocative thoughts of others.
The next day, I did not do the exercises because I could not get my right foot into the lotus position. Instead, I focused on studying the Fa. I read Master’s article “Dafa Disciples Must Study the Fa {Fa Teaching Given at the 2011 Washington DC Metro Area Fa Conference}.”
I discovered that I also had an attachment of jealousy, in addition to despising that fellow practitioner. The couple's pension was twice as much as mine and I was jealous, which led me to throw sarcastic words at her. I had completely disobeyed Dafa's principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance.
I remembered what other fellow practitioners had pointed out “No matter how much one contributes, it comes from the individual’s heart and no one is entitled to comment on it. There is no such thing to contribute more if one earns more."
I understood that we cannot force things upon others in cultivation. We can’t force a practitioner to stop taking medication when he/she has an illness tribulation and we also can’t force practitioners to do the three things. Forcing others would be considered undermining the Fa. I had said something to her to coerce her, which was undermining the Fa.
When I found my attachment of jealousy, I started questioning myself, thinking that it wasn't me, “Look at you. What a fool you are! Why are you so jealous about their pensions? If you had the same pension as they have, you would not have had a chance to get to know Dafa. That money was exchanged with their virtue. Don’t you think it would be better to have less but enough money and retain more virtue? You must get rid of jealousy.”
When I removed my jealousy, my happiness was beyond description. Within less than a week, I was able to resume doing the exercises. I can now set my legs in lotus position for two hours to study the Fa without pain.
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Category: Improving Oneself
