(Minghui.org) I started practicing Falun Gong when I was in kindergarten and I'm now in college. I stopped practicing for a period of time but Master did not give up on me. I've now returned to cultivation and try to do the three things well. Below are some of my cultivation experiences.
Confused
The Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started persecuting Falun Gong on July 20, 1999. My mother (a practitioner) went abroad not long after. My father does not practice. Later, my non-practitioner grandparents and aunt moved in with us. My grandmother blindly worshiped the Party and tried to make me watch a daily news program from the CCP media, CCTV. Every day it broadcast lies that slandered Falun Gong. I refused to watch it.
At that time, the loudspeakers in school often slandered Falun Gong and we were forced to read a booklet that also slandered Falun Gong. In class, the teachers slandered Falun Gong nearly every day and forced us to watch the video “Tiananmen Square Self-Immolation” fabricated by the Party. Eventually, I could not ward off the CCP lies and propaganda and began to believe them. I especially regret it now when I remember this.
Understanding the Truth
Fortunately, I had the chance to go overseas and reunite with my mother. She told me the truth about the staged Tiananmen Square Self-Immolation. I suddenly understood and thought of the many students in China who, like me, were also deceived by the Party. Later, my mother gave me many truth-clarification materials which helped me, and I began cultivating again. My body become healthier after I truly began cultivating. I used to become pale if the word medicine was mentioned as I had taken too much traditional Chinese medicine. However, I have not needed any medicine since I returned to cultivation.
Compassionate Master! You did not give up on me – the disappointing young disciple. It is you that let my mother bring the precious Dafa to me and it is also you that arranged for my mother to tell me the truth that saved my life when I was on the verge of being destroyed by the CCP.
Although I understood the truth about the “Self-immolation”, I did not make a break with the CCP completely. I still wore the red scarf when I returned back to China. One day, a practitioner explained to me that the red scarf symbolized evil:
“The CCP's lies are pervasive and the lethality on children is very great. Think about it, the evil CCP starts to brainwash us in elementary school. Not only is their propaganda about Falun Gong false, the CCP's 'glorious deeds' are also false. The red scarf is supposed to symbolize the CCP's martyrs. Innocent, young children cannot distinguish between true and false, little do they know that the CCP “martyrs” are actually CCP victims. The CCP is about to be destroyed and is trying to take us with it by forcing us to vow to give our lives for it.”
I wrote a declaration immediately to quite the Young Pioneers after I understood what was happening.
Clarifying the Truth
I wanted to tell others about the persecution of Falun Gong. I saw the CCP's overwhelming propaganda of the “self-immolation” which was everywhere, but I did not realize that the Party's was doing this to provoke people into hating Dafa in order to destroy them. Later, I read Master's lecture,
“...during the time when the evil came in swarming hordes, so many people were fooled by the venomous fabrications and deceitful lies, and they had hatred toward Dafa and my disciples; those people were doomed to be weeded out in the future...” (“Teaching the Fa at the Western U.S. Fa Conference” in Guiding the Voyage)
I wished to save people, so, I started to clarify the truth to my good friends. I began by sending righteous thoughts and then I talked. Since so many people in China have been poisoned by the Party, I had to talk for a long time before they understood and agreed to quit. Unfortunately because I still had fear, I did not clarify the truth to my teachers and I felt very bad about this.
After I began going to high school, I read practitioners' sharing on the Minghui website. They used anonymous letters to clarify the truth to their teachers. I thought this was a good idea and I wrote a letter to my politics teacher. On the way to the post office, I recited silently the verses from Hong Yin Vol. II,
“Should you have fear,it will seize upon youIf thoughts are righteous,evil will collapse”(“What's to Fear?” in Hong Yin Vol. II)
Later, I heard my teacher saying in class, “I received a letter from one of students telling me that Falun Gong is not a cult.” I was gratified. I continued to write letters to other teachers so they could understand the truth.
I distributed Shen Yun DVDs so that people could enjoy these astonishing presentations of classical Chinese culture. Although my school workload was heavy and the stress from the high school exams was great, I did not stop doing the three things. At the same time, I often visit the Minghui website and found my gaps and I tried to keep up with the pace of Fa-rectification. Doing the three things did not delay my studies and I was finally admitted into my ideal college.
Eliminating Attachment of Fear
My attachment of fear increased after I began attending college. I did not do well in my truth-clarification and did not dare to speak to people about Falun Gong. I either beat around the bush when I talked or I did not have a peaceful mind, which caused others to not understand the truth or not accept it.
Once, I brought a hard disk to my friend's house so she could copy the Freegate software. I could have spoke about Falun Gong to her as soon as I got there, since her parents stepped out of the house to buy something when I arrived. However, I used all the time to demonstrate how to use the software and did not seize the time to help her understand Falun Gong, much less the chance to hear her feedback.
Later, I saw Master's lecture,
“You are cultivators, whose conduct is [supposed to be] pure and righteous. There are so many people who think you're great just by having seen how you act. If we don't pay attention to our own behavior in our daily lives, everyday people will see our actions and, since they can't get to know you at a deep level such as by studying the Fa, they will just look at how you act. And it's possible that one sentence or one action of yours will make them unsavable or create a bad impression of Dafa. We need to think about these things.” (“Teaching the Fa at the 2002 Fa Conference in Boston”)
I felt very remorseful after reading this paragraph. Master has actually arranged everything and is waiting for us to take action, but due to my hidden attachment of fear I missed the opportunity. Although my friend told me later that the Freegate software is good, I still felt I did not do well. I must not make such a mistake again. Since I want to talk to her about Falun Gong, I must do so.
I continued to eliminate my attachment of fear bit by bit. I met a good teacher when I was in my second year and I thought about how to clarify the truth to her. I happened to have a few Shen Yun DVDs on hand, so I gave her one at the end of the semester. Not long later, she told me that she and her child watched the DVD together and felt very good. Thank you Master for arranging me to meet a person with a predestined relationship. I'm happy that they are awakened.
After some time passed, I attended a gathering organized by my junior high school friends. The class teacher came too. She was that teacher that I did not have the courage to clarify the truth to before. I seized the chance to make up for it and gave her a Shen Yun DVD. I told her that this is pure Chinese traditional culture. She lamented and said, “The things passed on by our ancestors are almost gone. Thank you for giving me such a good DVD.” Once again, thank you Master for arranging a person with a predestined relationship to encourage me to be diligent.
I'm in tears each time I think of Master rectifying the Fa for more than ten years. Master, even though I've failed to live up to expectations, I still must follow the overall pace and do the three things well, awaken sentient beings, fulfill my vows and walk the final path well.
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