(Minghui.org) I was fortunate to begin practicing Falun Dafa in March 2018. My cultivation journey has been a bumpy road—sometimes I was diligent and other times I slacked off. I’m grateful to compassionate Master for not giving up on me, and for repeatedly giving me opportunities to cultivate. Through studying the Fa, I’ve come to understand that as long as we firmly believe in Master and Dafa, we can overcome any obstacles in our cultivation.
I’d like to tell you about some of my insights and experiences.
Eliminating Resentment
Before I began practicing Dafa, I had a hot temper and couldn’t stand being criticized; I exploded at the slightest provocation. I loved spending money, valued my appearance, and enjoyed socializing. I was quite selfish. After I got married, family conflicts were frequent and severe, leading to constant arguments with my husband and in-laws. My husband had an affair, and he sometimes beat me. My father-in-law and mother-in-law did not help me; they thought that conflicts between a couple were trivial and that I shouldn’t have provoked my husband. They even said things like, “You have such a hot temper.” I was deeply hurt and resented them.
After I began practicing Falun Dafa, my temper improved, and I began caring about my husband and his parents. I willingly did the household chores and no longer argued over money. My health also improved; I stopped needing injections or medication. They all noticed these changes, and my entire family now fully supports my practice of Falun Dafa.
The accumulated resentment and negative emotions from the past occasionally resurfaced, and tested my xinxing. Sometimes, just thinking about how they used to gang up on me and the hurtful things they said made me tremble with anger. Once, while I was driving, the resentment flared up, and it took control of my mind, urging me to curse them. I pulled over to the side of the road, pounded the steering wheel with my hand, and cried loudly. After a while, I calmed down and realized I hadn’t been able to suppress this resentment and lost my composure. At that moment, I sent a strong thought from my heart and asked Master: “Master, this resentment is not me, and the painful feeling in my heart is not what I want. Please help me remove it!” After I tearfully said this, I felt a “whoosh” inside my body, as if a mass of material was drawn out. Instantly, my mind became clear, my body felt light, and there was no more discomfort in my heart. I wiped my tears and smiled, laughing at the “false self” who had been acting like a clown, smashing and shouting.
In that moment, I witnessed the miraculous power of Dafa and felt that Master was right beside me. I realized that at the crucial moments, as long as I remembered Master and Dafa, and remembered that I am a cultivator, I could overcome anything. Master was only looking at whether I had righteous thoughts or human thoughts. If my thoughts were righteous, Master would help me remove the attachment.
Now, the resentment that once troubled me is gone. When I think about the past, my heart is calm, as if those things never happened to me, and I feel like I’m watching a play. I’m truly grateful for Master’s infinite compassion!
Looking Inward and Eliminating Jealousy
My son is a young practitioner, and he recently talked about an “academic star” in his class. I asked: “Is he the best student in your class? Are you close with him?” My son replied with a tone of disdain: “Mom, he’s actually not the best student, and he has many flaws. Besides, I don’t want to be friends with him.” He listed various shortcomings of this little “academic star” and laughed so hard that he could hardly speak.
I was stunned: How did this young practitioner become so arrogant? Why is he only noticing others’ flaws? I realized that I hadn’t guided him well recently, and we hadn’t studied the Fa together much, nor had there been much communication about the Fa. It was my fault. He was a mirror reflecting my cultivation state. His behavior and jealousy indicated that I needed to look inward and correct my shortcomings.
Through continuous Fa study and looking within, I found that I harbored resentment and jealousy for my older sister (a Dafa practitioner). When I was younger, I wasn’t very smart and my academic performance was not ideal. My older sister was smart and her academic performance was better. After graduating from high school, I was accepted into a junior college, while she went to an undergraduate program. After I graduated I taught at a rural middle school, whereas she was hired to teach at a middle school in our county. Even in cultivation, she was more diligent in doing the three things than I was.
I sometimes thought that since she was always better than me and I couldn’t catch up with her, I might as well just follow behind her slowly. In fact, my own field was increasingly filled with this strong jealousy, although I didn’t realize it.
Due to family issues and work pressure, my older sister often couldn’t find time to calm down and study the Fa, practice the exercises, and do the three things. When I saw her situation, I didn’t help her by sending righteous thoughts. When we talked I criticized her, and my own arrogance and self-righteousness was exposed. Looking back, my heart was so evil at that time—I had no compassion. Instead, I threw negative thoughts into her field, doing things that pleased the evil. How distressed she must have been.
From Master’s teachings, I realized that jealousy has a certain degree of subtlety. Previously, I found the presence of this jealous material on the surface and thought I was following Master’s words and looking inward, but in reality, I was deceiving myself and hadn’t truly understood it according to the Fa. Fortunately, Master used my son to enlighten me, so that my jealously was exposed. I decided to root it out and completely eradicate it.
In fact, behind this jealousy was the attachment to fame, personal gain, and the root of selfishness. After understanding this, I began to closely follow Master’s teachings, and paying attention to truly cultivating myself in every aspect, aligning my words and actions with the Fa, and focusing on the positive qualities in others. Others are like a mirror for me; whenever I see problems, I should look at myself. After continually using the Fa to rectify myself, when others achieve something, I genuinely felt happy for them; when others faced tribulations, I first looked inward and no longer took pleasure in their misfortunes but truly wished to help them from my heart.
I can feel that the material of jealousy in my field is gradually decreasing, and my words are now more readily accepted by other practitioners and family members. I truly experienced the wonder of how circumstances change with the mind.
Over these years of practicing Falun Dafa, Master has guided me. In the remaining time, I will strive to improve myself, do the three things well, do my best to save sentient beings, fulfill my vows, and return home with Master!
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