(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa 10 years ago. As I had no other practitioners near me, all I did was watch Master’s exercise demonstration video to learn the exercises and read Zhuan Falun and Master’s new lectures daily. I also browsed the Minghui website to check on practitioners’ sharing articles. I went from not knowing what is meant by “solid cultivation” and “looking inward,” to constantly looking inward on my cultivation journey, and managing to remove several attachments.
The more I practiced, the more I felt that I couldn’t stop, and the more I practiced, the greater I felt. Dafa constantly cleansed my soul, helping someone like me, who was selfish, full of hatred, and laden with the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP’s) culture, to improve my moral values.
Looking Inward Amid Conflicts with My Husband
Before I started practicing Falun Dafa, family conflicts were more common, and had been so for a long time. For a period of time, he didn’t care about the family’s affairs, especially when our daughter wished to find a job. I wanted to discuss the situation with him, but he didn’t care and said some bad words that hurt my feelings. He seemed to deliberately make trouble for me, which made me sad to the point of tears, and exhausted. Moreover, he seemed to be proud of himself for doing it.
I was also competitive and aggressive, speaking without considering other people’s feelings. I always thought I was right, and sometimes I became very upset with my husband. I thought that I did so much, and not only did he not praise me, but also made trouble for me. Party culture thinking dictated my behavior. Through the struggles with my husband, my blood pressure continued to rise, and my sleep got worse and worse. My health deteriorated; I developed hyperthyroidism and an irregular heartbeat.
This was my situation when I began to cultivate in Dafa. In the beginning, I didn’t know how to cultivate. Master requires us to be a good person and practice forbearance. This was rather hard for me. I often argued with my husband over petty things, then regretted it afterward. I thought I was practicing, but why couldn’t I endure? Didn’t it come down to resentment and a competitive mentality? But how could I eliminate them?
With continuous Fa study and by cultivating myself, I began to find all sorts of attachments, but they were hard to let go of. Sometimes I was indignant, and could only endure. Sometimes, when I felt terribly wronged, I just sat in the lotus position and quietly sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate that feeling.
In order to avoid conflicts, after retirement, I went far away to live with my daughter. It was just the two of us, and life was peaceful. She went to work during the day. Apart from cooking meals in the mornings and evenings, I was alone and it was quiet. I studied the Fa, did the exercises, and sent forth righteous thoughts. Everyday just passed by. But was it okay for me to avoid conflict like that? Could I improve myself?
I thought I might have had a deep connection with my husband in my past lives. I might have treated him badly before, and now I had to pay back the debt. The conflict involved the issue of transformation of karma, and there was also the principle of having “gained four ways in one shot” (Zhuan Falun).
I called my husband many times from my daughter’s place, but he didn’t answer. Finally, he blocked my number. What should I do? I decided to go back and face him, and cultivate myself through the conflicts.
I often asked myself, “Why couldn’t I have compassion come forth? How could I resolve the conflict with my husband? I thought that with Master and Dafa here, there should be no trials that I couldn’t pass.”
Every time I ran into a conflict with my husband, I often recited Master’s poem:
“As a cultivatorOne always looks for one’s own faults’Tis the Way to get rid of attachments mosteffectivelyThere’s no way to skip ordeals, big or small[During a conflict, if you can remember:]“He’s right,And I’m wrong”What’s to dispute?” (“Who’s Right, Who’s Wrong,” Hong Yin III)
Gradually, I learned to consider things from my husband’s perspective, and constantly got rid of my resentment, competitive mentality, grievance, and indignation. When conflicts occurred, I tried to be patient. Many times, I endured with tears. I changed from only thinking about myself, to caring more about him, taking care of him, thinking more about his good points, and always restraining and eliminating Party culture thinking.
Finally, one day, after facing everything he did and the conflicts we had, I suddenly felt that I could deal with them calmly. I didn’t feel angry or wronged. I knew that when I reached the standard, Master removed the bad substance from me, and so I became very relaxed.
As I changed, my husband also changed. His temper improved, and he no longer blamed me. He spoke in a gentle manner, laughed and talked, began to care about our daughter and me, and he took the initiative to help me, which was unthinkable before. If he had something to do, and it was time to send righteous thoughts, he would wait for me. I suddenly realized that my husband was so good, and he said that I’ve also changed. I knew that it was Dafa that transformed me, and it was my kind heart cultivated from Dafa that changed him.
Interacting with My Mother-In-Law
When my daughter was little, my mother-in-law had a row with her husband, so I asked her to live in my house. I have a cheerful and careless personality and didn’t pay attention to what I said. After she had stayed in my house for a few days, she went to my husband and badmouthed me. My husband believed her, which was one of the reasons why he and I were in conflict for a long time. As a result, I resented my mother-in-law.
More than 10 years ago, my mother-in-law lived on the fourth floor and my family lived on the first floor. She kept saying that she was old and had difficulty climbing stairs. Considering her condition, we spent 80,000 yuan to renovate our apartment and let her live there. Then we moved out.
Over the years, my mother-in-law has always felt that the house was very good and convenient. But recently, she said to me: “This place was given to me by my son.” The tone of her voice implied that I did not want her to live there. She also said how magnificently her sister’s place was decorated, how simple her place was, and that she spent 80,000 yuan on the decorations on her own.
We treated my mother-in-law well, and she lived comfortably after we renovated the house so she could live there. But she never thanked me and even said that about her son giving it to me, contrary to the facts. I felt very uncomfortable after hearing her words. I thought to myself: “It’s been more than 10 years, why would she say such a thing in front of me? What attachments do I still need to let go of? I knew I had the attachment of seeking return and liking to hear pleasing words. Besides, I had strongly resented her.” When I thought about this, I wanted to eliminate all these bad thoughts.
Recently, my husband told me in a roundabout way that his mother had two houses, and she transferred them to his brother and sister, meaning that she left us with nothing. I responded, “It’s fine for her to give them to whomever she likes. I practice Dafa now, I’m fine with that. If I didn’t practice, I wouldn’t have treated it this way. I’d have made a scene.”
After I got rid of attachments to jealousy, resentment, and selfishness, when I looked at her again, I was sad because I knew she had a hard life. As long as she could live a happy life, what could I not let go of?
Eliminating the Poisonous Party Culture
I was heavily influenced by my mother. Her thoughts were rather biased and radical. She always spoke with a combative attitude and her words were hurtful to others. She watched TV for a long time and her vision became a little blurry. I said to her, “Mom, watch less TV. Otherwise, it will hurt your eyes.”
She replied, “Didn’t you buy the TV for me to use?! Didn’t you buy it for me to watch?!” I got furious and used extreme words to scold her. I often slammed the door and walked away in anger after she upset me. For a long time, I wondered why I was like this when I talked to her. Why couldn’t I be calm? After reading “Dismantling the Party’s Culture,” I found the root cause of my problem, which came from the CCP’s culture. After I realized that, I tried my best to eliminate this fighting mentality.
People who have been immersed in the CCP’s culture since childhood seemed to have formed a thick substance of the “false self” of Party culture in their bodies, which wraps up one’s true self layer by layer. The way of thinking, use of language, and behavior were all taught by the CCP. They have trouble thinking outside of the Party culture framework, which has penetrated the Chinese people in every way.
I asked my husband if I spoke like my mother. He replied, “Not in appearance, but in essence, yes.”
I carefully analyzed myself. I gave more to my parents and always wanted to be recognized by my family. When I didn’t get a response, I became competitive and resentful, and had to overwhelm them with my tone. In addition, my tone was questioning and rhetorical, and my words were aggressive. Once, I suppressed my mother’s words with a strong tone. When I went to the bathroom, I saw my face in the mirror and it appeared to be so ugly. It was like the image of that evil queen in the play “Snow White”, which scared me.
I asked myself: “How come I lack compassion?” I came to realize that with my mind filled with Party culture, how could I possibly be compassionate.
My mother is my mirror, her appearance reflected the attachments that I needed to let go of, and I should thank her. Over the years, I’ve found jealousy, competitiveness, resentment, vanity, and a show-off mentality, among others. When they appeared repeatedly, I had to eliminate them again and again.
The Amazing Effects Of Eliminating Party Culture
By constantly cultivating myself solidly, Party culture elements have been continually eliminated, and my environment has changed.
My mother-in-law said that I spoke to my husband in a bad tone, which upset me. When I looked inward, I realized that my tone was full of the Party’s elements. I said to my husband, “I don’t want to talk like that, but I didn’t realize it. If I talk like that again, please tell me and I’ll change. I probably can’t do it all at once, but I will do it gradually.”
My attitude and tone of voice began to change. One time, my mother-in-law said to me, “I’ve noticed that you no longer speak like that.”
Also, all my illnesses disappeared, my face became delicate, smooth, and rosy, and my lips look like I have lipstick on. My husband and mother-in-law both feel that I had changed greatly. My husband is not against my cultivation anymore.
After my mother-in-law saw my transformation, she was also in awe of Dafa and began practicing. I didn’t expect that after I got rid of the Party culture, it could have such a great impact.
In 10 years of cultivation, guided by Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance, I’ve gone through great transformations both mentally and physically. I went from someone who was full of karma and had all kinds of illnesses, to being considerate of others in everything I do and gradually elevating my moral standards. With that, my family environment has also gone through great transformations. My body feels light and I am illness-free. I’m in my 60s, but I am as optimistic and cheerful as a young person. The wrinkles at the corners of my eyes are getting fewer and fewer, and I look about 10 years younger. Master constantly purified my body and rebuilt my soul.
The Minghui website has been like an assistant to me during my cultivation. When I didn’t know how to cultivate, what cultivation was all about, or what true cultivation meant, practitioners’ sharing articles guided me on how to look inward, and how to get rid of attachments layer by layer. When I didn’t know how to clarify the facts, practitioners’ examples were presented to me. When experiencing illness karma, through listening to the podcast series “Snapping Out of Illness Karma,” I was able to make a breakthrough in my tribulations. In addition, I gained an in-depth understanding of that. When I slacked off and was confused, I was able to catch up by reading Master’s new articles.
The Minghui website is just like my home. I put together my experiences, shared them in articles, and sent them to Minghui.org. It doesn’t matter whether it is published or not; it was as if I was telling my family how I became mature in my cultivation. I was only able to make it this far with the help of Minghui.
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