(Minghui.org) I was born into a poor family, and my mother passed away before I started elementary school. These hardships left me with low self-esteem and I became jealous. Fortunately, my family later began practicing Falun Dafa, and we were harmonious and happy. My feelings of inadequacy and jealousy lessened somewhat. However, when the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) launched its brutal persecution of Falun Dafa in July 1999, the immense pressure on practitioners, including my family, caused my low self-esteem and jealousy to resurface, and it was even stronger than before.
Before I began practicing Dafa if others outperformed me, I was envious and I even looked down on them. I had difficulty controlling my words and facial expressions, and I vented my disdain and frustration in unpleasant ways. I held grudges over trivial matters for a long time.
When I first started practicing Falun Dafa, I didn’t fully understand that I should look inward and cultivate myself. Instead I simply followed other practitioners as role models. When situations triggered my jealousy, I reminded myself, “I’m a practitioner now, and cultivation is the most precious thing in the world—nothing in ordinary life compares to it.”
In fact, I hadn’t truly eliminated my jealousy—I only suppressed it to some extent. I avoided situations that might cause me to be jealous, but thus really didn’t work. I still felt anxious and that I was treated unfairly.
As I deepened my understanding of Dafa’s principles, I realized that everything in life is predestined. This insight helped me easily accept gains and losses. When others outperformed me, I began to see it as part of a predestined arrangement. However, I still didn’t feel good when others did well or stop feeling disappointed in myself. My jealousy lessened but I hadn’t eliminated this attachment.
By reading the Fa study, I gained a deeper understanding of cultivation and the nature of jealousy. I realized the importance of proactively addressing my thoughts and attachments. Now, when I have jealous thoughts I quickly recognize and eliminate them. I feel genuinely fortunate and grateful to be a Falun Dafa practitioner. I understand that everyone has certain strengths and abilities. As a practitioner, I strive to maintain an optimistic mindset, regardless of whether things seem good or bad.
In the process of getting rid of jealousy, I gradually understood how to genuinely cultivate myself and my thoughts. I sincerely thank Master Li and Dafa for saving me!
These are my understandings at my current cultivation level, please point out anything inappropriate.
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Category: Improving Oneself
