(Minghui.org) Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I’ve practiced Falun Dafa for nearly 30 years. My respect and gratitude for Master is infinite. On the occasion of the 22nd China Fahui, I want to report to Master how I have been undeterred by the tribulations I have experienced since I turned 70, let go of life and death, and how I have improved in my cultivation while helping Master save people. Through this, I am moving towards divinity. I hope I haven’t let Master down and I hope my experiences can encourage other practitioners. Please point anything out if my understanding is incorrect.
We are truly born with karma built upon karma. Ever since I was born, I’ve encountered situations that nearly took my life: I nearly choked to death on amniotic fluid when my mother gave birth to me; in my sixth and seventh months, I nearly starved to death because of a throat disease that prevented me from swallowing; when I was 8 or 9 months old, I crawled into the livestock pen and was nearly trampled to death by cows; at 3, I fell head-first into a deep and narrow mud pit dug by brother while I played, and I almost died. Also that year, I was nearly struck by a giant ax that flew out of my brother’s hand. When I was 5 years old, I nearly drowned after a slow-witted cousin in her teens took me to the river—I still have vivid memories of that choking and suffocating pain; and when I was 27, I was pushed and fell onto the train tracks and was nearly hit by a train.
It was only after I began practicing Falun Dafa that I realized Master had been looking after me—I was able to escape death time and again. Master cleansed my body and mind after I started practicing, my morals ascended, and I recovered from illnesses—some were minor and others were life threatening. For the past 25 years, my strength and energy have been even better than when I was young.
Eliminating Karma
What a serious matter cultivation is! It’s not possible that the longer we practice, the more comfortable we become. When I turned 70, I suddenly developed symptoms of severe health problems: a sign of disease described in, “The Yellow Emperor’s Inner Classic” as one of the most perilous. I lost 8 kilos (almost 18 lbs.) in a week. My left foot and right wrist were fractured. I had symptoms of diabetes and twice my legs developed necrotic ulcers. My eyesight, hearing, strength, and sense of taste declined sharply. It’s been three years, and my eyesight is so bad I cannot recognize anyone standing on the other side of the road. I lost my sense of smell, and my limbs feel numb, cold, and swollen. I suffer from constipation all year round. My knees are weak, I cannot straighten my back, and I walk with difficulty. I keep falling and injuring myself. There have been times when I’ve been unable to talk or wear shoes. My face was paralyzed, and I had symptoms of a stroke.
Besides being assaulted with “old age, sickness, and disability,” I also went through other life and death tests on many occasions. At one point I appeared to be having a heart attack. I felt suffocated, faint, broke out in a sweat, urinated in bed, and I kept coughing until I vomited. In mid-August, a practitioner who came to study the Fa said it was as if my legs were fettered; I walked unsteadily, fell down, I had trouble reading, and I smelled like a dead person. The evil was after my life. Yet Master saved me after I had righteous thoughts. Thank you, Master! I did not have a heart attack or feel I was going to die that day.
I reminded myself of Master’s words: “When it looks impossible and is said to be impossible, give it a try and see if it is possible.” (Zhuan Falun)
Master said, “True cultivators have no illnesses” (“Explaining the Fa for Falun Dafa Assistants in Changchun,” Further Discussions on Falun Dafa). Master purified my body completely. I never regarded these as illness and never thought of going to the hospital. No matter how hard it is living alone, I don’t tell my children who live in another city or ask practitioners to send righteous thoughts for me. I have Master and the Fa.
I realized that suffering is turning the black substance into the white substance, into virtue, and suffering is a good opportunity to improve one’s cultivation. I observed that the symptoms I seem to have don’t match the corresponding disease—twice, I developed necrotic sores on my legs, supposedly because I have diabetes. I did not go see the doctor, and the sores closed up, one forming a scab in 4 days, the other in a week. My complexion is rosy, my skin is flawless, I have no wrinkles, and I never wear makeup. My whole body feels light and I don’t look ill at all.
I find it regretful that some elderly practitioners have not changed their attitude from practicing cultivation for health improvement to returning to one’s true self. Non-practitioners go through old age, sickness and death. From what I know, of the practitioners who thought they were ill and went to the hospital for treatment, nine out of ten never came home.
My Understanding About Eliminating Karma
Why do I run into such situations? From the Fa, my understanding is that it could be any of the following.
Perhaps Master is eliminating my karma;Perhaps my cultivation energy, supernormal abilities, and supernatural beings are growing and moving;Perhaps my innate body is being transformed;Perhaps I am eliminating the karma of those whom I saved;Perhaps I have a lot of virtue, and I have to suffer more physically in order to develop higher energy;Perhaps Master set these tests for me to improve, as I have become more steady and know how to practice cultivation;Perhaps I made a vow in history to practice cultivation amid symptoms of “old age, sickness and disability;”Perhaps I had not been focused during Fa study and was punished for not being respectful;Perhaps because I love to read old books, etc., and incurred bad things on my body. I have become too attached and need to let go of these attachments;Perhaps because my innate nature did not rectify the Fa, and the evil exploited my loophole and persecute me endlessly;Perhaps the old forces used me to test other practitioners (practitioners told me more than once that if I don’t succeed in cultivation, no one else will reach consummation);Perhaps the old forces are using attachments I have not removed, or karma not eliminated, to test and persecute me;Perhaps I signed something with the old forces in history and promised to practice cultivation in such a state (amid old age, illness, disability), hence they created interference to try to stop sentient beings from being saved;Perhaps it was arranged that I would have a negative influence.
There are countless reasons.
I said to Master: “It is the old forces that are interfering with Fa rectification and with saving people. I will not shoulder the guilt for the old forces. Everything is arranged by you. I only walk the cultivation path that you arranged. If I have signed anything with the old forces earlier in history, if it was arranged that I would create a negative influence, please help me. I don’t want this agreement, even if I face extinction of both body and soul. If my righteous thoughts cannot completely deny the evil’s arrangement, righteous gods, please destroy and use me in Fa rectification.”
Why didn’t I have these tribulations in the past? I understood from studying the Fa that perhaps my character was not good enough or steady enough in the past. I did not have a rational understanding of Dafa and cultivation. If these tests appeared before, I may not have enlightened or might have given up cultivation; maybe there are attachments I haven’t found, maybe I saved many people, hence I shouldered a lot of karma; maybe the old forces waited for me to grow old, as elderly people have the fear of illness and death.
Regardless, I view these tribulations as Master’s orderly, exquisite arrangement. Thank you, Master. The old forces are jealous and arrogant, and they exploit our loopholes to persecute us. They really want to destroy us. We should send righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil.
Identifying My Attachments
From the Fa, I understood: After the persecution began on July 20, 1999, we switched from personal cultivation to Fa-rectification cultivation. Master did not arrange any major tribulations for practitioners during personal cultivation, and physical changes should not affect us from doing the three things. Large tribulations are interference from the old forces, persecution, and tests. If the evil is able to cause interference, it must be because there is a problem in me. Therefore, I kept looking within, and fellow practitioners helped me, too. I found many attachments, such as jealousy, a competitive mentality, not being kind and patient enough, speaking in a bad tone of voice, dislike of being criticized, and fear of losing face. I also found that I focused on other people’s faults, did not cultivate my speech, and was eager to express myself, show off, and validate myself. I also found indolence, a dislike of doing the standing exercises, and a heavy reliance on others, including depending on other practitioners to operate the computer, and so on.
I also had the attachment of lust. Sexually-violence crimes, and erotic descriptions in novels I’d read in the past appear in my mind while doing the exercises and studying the Fa. Because I helped others write lewd stories in the past, I’ve let those who read these stories down, so I’m repaying this karma. I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate these thoughts and asked Master for help in getting rid of the attachments and sin that don’t belong to the real me.
Master helped me resolve these life and death tribulations when I found my problems and rectified them. However, my vision, hearing, and strength in my right hand have not returned to normal. Perhaps I have not found the problem or I may have found it but have not rectified it; perhaps there are debts I need to repay; perhaps I need to improve my xinxing.
For example, I understood that it is crucial that I don’t regard myself as being ill or old. I don’t see myself as being ill, but I regard myself as an old woman. Sometimes I forgive myself for slacking off because of my advanced age.
Dafa is a practice of mind and body. Signs of old age are just an appearance and deception, arrangements of the old forces. I made up my mind not to admit I am old and to stop moaning. Have you seen a young person groaning?
Furthermore, when in a tribulation, we ask Master for help, study the Fa more, do the exercises more, look within, send righteous thoughts, use supernormal abilities, etc., but what is our basis? Is it to get rid of suffering or to improve xinxing? Are we pursuing comfort or opposing persecution and obstruction to saving sentient beings? My mind is not pure; this is what I need to improve on. I also have the pursuit of personal cultivation when working to save people.
My Realizations After Studying the Fa
From studying the Fa, I realized that nothing is absolute. Everyone is different, and their cultivation paths are different. Given the same manifestation, the reasons behind it can be diverse. There is no role model, no easy way out; it may not work just copying what others do. We must take the Fa as Master and analyze things from the basis of the Fa. We cannot be jealous and think it unfair when others practice cultivation without any tests while we have many hardships. All the more, we cannot begin to doubt Dafa, and we must not resent Master when we have constant tribulations despite doing the three things.
This is the Dharma-ending period and morals have deteriorated. We are only able to practice and succeed in cultivation because of Master’s compassion. This shows how magnificent the Fa is. If we do not succeed in cultivation, the problem lies with our inborn quality, enlightenment or endurance. Cultivation depends on oneself.
From the Fa, I know that if we let go of life and death, we can become divine. After practicing cultivation for so long, now, I experience the calm, steady mind described in Master’s poem “Noting Kept” in Hong Yin: “In life, nothing sought, In death, regretting naught.” Of course, taking things lightly, letting go of life and death does not mean I don’t cherish life. As a Dafa disciple with a mission to fulfill, my life belongs to Dafa. No matter how hard things are, I don’t have the right to give up and I will never allow the old forces to take my life.
Whether I live or die is up to Master. Only humans think of holding onto their life when facing life and death situations. I am not afraid of dying alone; Master’s law body is beside me. I don’t feel regretful not seeing my children or grandchildren before death. I take such things lightly.
One day in February this year, a practitioner saw that I was in bad shape and wanted to tell my children. He even asked me for my health card so that he could take me to the hospital. I did not look for my health card and I forbade him from telling my children. I said, “I’m not ill. Seeking medical treatment will interfere with my cultivation. If you don’t mind, you can keep me company for one evening. If not, you can come and see me the next day.” I asked him to help me play Master’s recorded lectures.
Some practitioners suggested sending righteous thoughts to stop the old forces from taking advantage of my loopholes, but I feel that this is a problem I have to face. I don’t know if my time is up or whether my life can be extended in my cultivation state. I don’t know if I have cultivated beyond the human realm. I do know the old forces are not joking with me. I also know that Master’s arrangement is the best, and I should let Master take care of everything.
I remember my mission while going through tribulations. I always do the three things will all my heart. I study the Fa, do the exercises, and send forth righteous thoughts including eliminating the CCP’s transnational repression. I write about, and help other practitioners write about their experiences. I host a group Fa study and exercise site at my home and organize practitioners to watch Shen Yun. I am a middleman for Master’s new articles, as well as truth-clarification materials, and maintain a list of people who have quit the CCP. I participate in truth-clarification projects, take care of many Dafa books, and so on. I also talk to people about Falun Dafa and the persecution face-to-face whenever there is an opportunity.
I have a clear understanding of the Fa principles, so I’m always happy. When I have wounds or fractured bones from a fall due to my poor eyesight, my first reaction is joy. I am astounded by how calm I am when things go wrong with my body or when I’m in life-threatening situations. This comes from wisdom and power from the Fa. The good things a cultivator encounters in everyday life, such as blessings and a long life, are bad things; disaster and illness are good things. Nothing happens by chance: there is always something one has to repay, enlighten to, cultivate, and improve. I will cherish this long-awaited opportunity, truly practice cultivation, do the three things well, and not let Master down. I will follow Master home.
I hope the Fahui will be successful. Thank you, Master. Thank you, fellow practitioners.
(Selected submission for the 22nd China Fa Conference on Minghui.org)
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