(Minghui.org) I’ve focused on eliminating my resentment toward my family, supervisors, coworkers, and friends. I’m now more tolerant and understanding when I have conflicts with them, and I feel much more at ease. However, I still harbor resentment toward those directly involved in persecuting Falun Dafa practitioners, and this resentment has lingered far too long.
When I recently read the Fa I realized that even though I’ve felt I was kind I still need to make a genuine and determined effort to remove my hidden, deep-seated resentment.
My Resentment Was Exposed at the Train Station
After I mailed complaints against Jiang Zemin (the former Chinese leader who initiated persecution against Falun Dafa) to the Supreme Procuratorate and the Supreme Court in 2015, I’ve repeatedly been stopped by police at high-speed railway stations after my ID is scanned and I pass through the regular security check. The police question me and ask to see my ID again. They photograph my ID, and search me again—they sometimes take photos and videos during the process—and inspect my belongings.
At first, I didn’t know why this kept happening and was unfamiliar with the relevant laws. I was also somewhat nervous, so I cooperated with these “special checks.” I later learned that my ID number had been flagged. Whenever I scanned my ID to board a train, an alert would appear in the system, prompting the station police to come over and carry out the task assigned to them by their superiors.
When this happened I would become so angry that my legs trembled and I objected loudly. When they searched my luggage, I would take out my phone and record them, hoping to put some pressure on them and vent my disgust and resentment.
I didn’t take high-speed trains often, so after these incidents, my anger and resentment gradually faded. I would think that these people were simply pitiful and ignorant, and I was mentally prepared for similar situations whenever I traveled by train. It wasn’t until recently, when I took a high-speed train with my mother, who is also a practitioner, that she pointed out that my tone and attitude were wrong. That’s when I realized I really needed to work seriously on letting go of this resentment.
My mother rarely travels far from home, and this was her first time taking a high-speed train since we filed the complaints against Jiang Zemin. At the departure station, we didn’t need to scan our IDs to go through security. When the train was about to arrive, we scanned our IDs and went through facial recognition, and the system automatically verified our tickets. Once the verification was complete, the gate opened and we went to the waiting area for our assigned train car.
We had been standing in the waiting area for only a short while when a uniformed station police officer wearing a light on his shoulder began looking around and walked toward us. After confirming our names, he asked us to take out our IDs and hold them ourselves while he photographed them with a special device. My mother calmly took out her ID and cooperated. Smiling, she said to the officer, “You’re just carrying out orders from your superiors, and you don’t know why either, do you?” The officer smiled and nodded. “That’s right. We don’t know why either.”
I immediately lost my temper. “If you don’t even know why you’re doing this as law enforcement officers, what exactly are you enforcing? What you’re doing is against the law! Show me the relevant legal documents!” I was completely confrontational.
The officer contacted someone over his radio. The person on the other end said they were acting pursuant to Article 15 of the Law of the People’s Republic of China on Resident Identity Cards. Just then, the train arrived. After confirming over the radio that he did not need to conduct any further identity check on me, he left. The passengers nearby looked at me. I deliberately raised my voice and said to my mother, “There are too many people in uniform who break the law while enforcing it these days. Ordinary people need to know something about the law.”
Not long after we boarded, the conductor and a female attendant came toward my seat. The attendant appeared to randomly select several passengers to verify their identities, but I knew I was the real target. This time, I handed her my ID for verification and deliberately sighed loud enough for her to hear.
After they left, my mother reminded me that I still had resentment and a competitive mentality. I knew she was right, but I simply couldn’t contain myself when things like this happened. I realized that Master must have been using my mother’s words to remind me that it was time to cultivate these attachments away. I reflected on this.
We took a train home that day. Several relatives entered the station with us and took the same train. At this station, we first scanned our IDs and then went through security with our luggage. As soon as we finished, another station police officer came toward my mother and me. I finished the security check first and got on the escalator, while they took my mother to the security office. Our relatives waited there, puzzled and surprised.
A few minutes later, my mother came out, still completely at ease. She said they inspected her luggage, searched her, and asked where she was going, among other things. From the way she described it, I could tell that her conversation with the police had been calm and peaceful. While my mother and I were talking in the waiting hall, another uniformed officer appeared and walked toward us. When he asked me to show my ID, I asked him to provide a document. He cited Article 15 of the Law on Resident Identity Cards and Article 9 of the Police Law. I asked him to show me his law-enforcement credentials. He said that his uniform and police identification number were sufficient. I insisted that he show me his police ID, as required by law. He had no choice but to explain the situation to someone over his radio.
A short while later, another officer appeared and showed me his police ID, on which his name was clearly visible. I followed him to the security office. Because I was consciously restraining myself, my resentment was much weaker this time. I even chatted with him and said, “You don’t really want to deal with this either, but you have to do it to make a living, right?” He nodded in agreement and said it was an assignment from his superiors and if I wanted more information I should contact the local police station.
Because I still had some competitiveness at the time, my wisdom was limited. All I could say to the officer was, “Once you have more contact with Dafa practitioners, you’ll come to understand what kind of people they are.” He looked thoughtful and then left the security office.
As soon as I returned to the waiting hall, my relatives gathered around me and asked what happened. They knew that my mother had previously been subjected to reeducation through labor because of her faith, but they couldn’t understand why I had been targeted. My mother said, “She filed a complaint against Jiang Zemin.” That made everything clear to them.
This experience taught me that if I encounter similar situations in the future, I can ask police officers to show their credentials and find out who they are and what their names are. It is also helpful to learn some basic legal knowledge in advance. The purpose, however, should be to help them understand the law and recognize their own rights and responsibilities as law enforcement officers, so they won’t be used as expendable pawns. This can also be an opportunity to encourage them to choose kindness.
Another thing is that this incident gave me a reason to go to the local police station and learn more about the situation. Of course, the purpose of making contact with them is to clarify the truth—to use the power of Dafa’s compassion to show the beauty and kindness of a practitioner, rather than human resentment. In this way, I can validate the Fa’s principles at the human level and compassionately help people.
Confronting My Resentment Once Again
When personnel from the neighborhood community office logistics department, “Care Center,” and Political and Legal Affairs Commission repeatedly came to my home to harass me, my resentment surfaced again.
When I returned home from work one day, I was confronted by community officials. As soon as I walked through the entrance to my residential community a person in charge of logistics rushed out of the security office, grabbed my arm, and shouted to the people behind him, “It’s her! It’s her!”
That morning, when I left for work, I observed him standing outside the community entrance with several other people, talking among themselves. When he realized that I saw him, he quickly and awkwardly looked away and pretended not to see me. I had a feeling that he was up to something again. Sure enough, he came after me that evening.
“Let go! Let go of me!” I shouted. He seemed to realize that something was wrong and released my arm. I normally pay close attention to maintaining appropriate boundaries between men and women and keep my distance from the opposite sex. So I felt very uncomfortable when he suddenly grabbed my arm.
The resentment I felt toward him erupted like a volcano. I could actually feel myself deliberately looking at him with angry, mean eyes. I normally wouldn’t be in such a resentful state. I wanted to appear more intimidating so he would feel afraid.
At the entrance to the community, several men and women from the neighborhood office took turns approaching me. They tried every possible approach, both gentle and forceful, and wanted me to talk with them away from the crowd. I refused. I stood to one side, so as to not block people who were coming and going, folded my arms, and refused to move. “Let’s talk right here. Is there something you don’t want people to know about?”
A crowd began to gather. They tried to force me into their private car, but I refused. “Who are you? What are you trying to do? You think I’ll just go with you because you tell me to?!” Later, the person in charge of logistics called a police emergency number for assistance. After the police arrived and saw the situation, they seemed at a loss and simply paced around nearby without intervening.
It gradually grew dark. Seeing that I refused to move and I continued asking them to provide the legal basis for what they were doing, they had no choice but to call their leaders. They also brought someone from their group who had studied law. After a standoff that lasted four or five hours, a person who repeatedly participated in persecuting practitioners and had been listed as a perpetrator, together with another man from the neighborhood office, carried and dragged me to the logistics office. My family members and friends who heard what was happening came and took turns trying to persuade me to comply with the police requests. They wanted me to sign a document, and they wanted to record it on video. I still refused.
My family then found a way to get around the situation and gave them what they wanted. Before leaving, the group warned us not to post their story and photographs on the Minghui website. I said, “You’re committing a crime!” They left.
It was already after midnight. The person in charge of logistics brought several boxes of instant noodles at one point, but did not come back. We all lived in the same community, so we were bound to run into each other. Whenever I saw him, I tried to intimidate him with a hateful look. Yet this was so different from my normally peaceful state that I couldn’t genuinely produce that hatred. I actually had to force myself to look resentful. (My understanding at the time was really poor.)
I also became resentful when they came to visit several times a year, so I simply refused to answer the door. My father was worried that, having failed to accomplish what they wanted, they might force their way inside. Despite my strong objections, he opened the door, accepted their propaganda materials, and acted submissively toward them. After they left, I was extremely angry with him. It was the first time in my life that I had lost my temper with him so badly. I burned the propaganda materials.
The very next day, two pus-filled lumps about the size of soybeans appeared under each arm. Later, as I studied the Fa and looked inward, I realized that I should not have become angry with my father. One of the lumps discharged a great deal of pus, while the other gradually disappeared.
My Understanding
I did not take the resentment and competitiveness I repeatedly displayed seriously. When I should have cultivated them away, I failed to do so, and I even deliberately strengthened them. I allowed this to go on for too long, and I missed many opportunities to tell people how good Falun Dafa is. Now, Master once again used my mother’s words to enlighten me, and the Fa principles have also given me hints. As long as the Fa- rectification has not come to an end, there is still opportunity to improve my cultivation state. I hope by exposing my attachments and human notions, that I can firmly cultivate them away. I will temper myself, eliminate my attachments and harmonize myself with the Fa.
I will cultivate and do the three things well as I assist Master in the Fa-rectification, and help save more people.
